A Lasting Ordinance
"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law." -Deut. 29:29
"David said to Michal, "It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel – I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor." – 1 Samuel 6:21-22
While working my data entry jobs, I’ve been listening to the Old Testament on my iPod. It’s 48 hours of goodness. I have slowly come to understand God a lot better, despite not believing in God. All those actions taken in the Old Testament make sense. Even the whole "hardening Pharaoh’s heart" thing. It doesn’t seem cruel or unjust for God. I understand why God made Pharoah be stubborn and not release the Hebrews. It’s the sort of thing a God in that position should do. Everything seems much clearer regarding the God of their forefathers who brought them up out of Egypt and into the land of Canaan as was promised to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Lately, I’ve grown bored with myself. One of my rare, special qualities was always that I entertained myself more than most other things. I fascinated myself. Now, I still entertain myself in the small moments, but the big picture bores me. I look at myself and feel uninspired, which breed more uninspiration, and so on… I disappoint myself a bit as well. I wasted college majoring in a subject I hate. Not to say I didn’t do a lot of important things during college years… I failed a lot of what I attempted, but I certainly think the attempts were whole-hearted and worthy.
I want to act, but can never get myself to try again.
I do nothing but sit 8 hours a day at temp jobs listening to the Bible.
I always expected greater things from myself.
"Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overome." – Genesis 32:28
I feel the same… would like something to shake things up… would like to feel amazing again. Perhaps we have reached a plateau where we feel we know ourselves quite well and so have stopped looking that bit deeper. Sometimes real life just gets in the way of deep self reflection.
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I like the acting idea. That’s always been on my backburner, particularly something like community theatre. It’s totally Waiting for Guffman, but afterwards I think it’d be a refreshing change. Being myspace friends would be great, I can’t remember what mine is but that’s okay because it’s shamefully outdated, but once I get back home I’ll tend to it like a loving mother hen.
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AND you should certainly consider taking a trip to the Middle East. Everyone I’ve encountered has been extremely friendly, most everyone speaks english, the food is incredible (even at the mall,) it’s just fantastic here. I think you’d really enjoy it. And yes, a German apartment in Hamburg. It’s technically my step-dad’s, but I can come and go as I please and bring whomever I please, so if….
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someday in the not-so-distant future you’d like a change from bright socal skies to grey, rainy, frigid weather for weeks on end, then you’ll definitely have a place to stay!
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you may bore yourself, but you never cease to inspire and intrigue me. you have grown into a fine, hansome man. and though you might sometimes find yourself a little boring, i see you as a lifetime of insight and wisdom. act, damnit. or at least do the world a favor and become a porn star.
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i love you everytime i read any of your entries especially here those three words just well yea.
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Nothing is in your way of trying again and not just to act but to entertain yourself. You are not trapped by anyone/anything in your life except yourself. The only force keeping you “bored” and uninspired is the one keeping you silent and still.
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