Tonight I look 40

 
The hot shower tonight was so good……….so very good. 
 
Because the cold was so very cold outside.  And Tom asked me tonight if running was really worth it.  I guess I should stop telling him the stories.  He can’t understand.  I’m not sure anyone can understand.  I’m pretty convinced that what running is to each individual is as individual as ….well…..an individual’s thumbprint.
 
I know we (runners) all reach that "high" and I know we all share that craving of the outside air that is pulled so deeply into our lungs.  And I now know that "pain is a given but suffering is optional"  And sometimes I say that over and over and over throughout a run.  No, not every run is great.  And tonight’s was not great. 
 
As I started around campus, just above Mellow Mushroom and before the sharp hill to the dykes, my attention fell to my right foot.  This was a new pain, and a stubborn one that required three separate sessions of targeted stretching during mile one.  Yes, I now know that I can stretch the soles of my feet.  And that it is good.  Then when I was just entering my stride, I reached the first dyke on the east of Lake Hartwell.  The wind that was annoying became downright brutal and by mile 2 the tears were streaming down my face and every breath through my nose was producing ………….well I don’t need to say it……………and at one point I had to turn backwards against the wind so that the cold would stop burning my face.  Once I could feel my cheeks again, I turned forward and tried to regain my stride. I reached the hwy and decided to add an extra mile on my usual 4 mile loop by running down to the YMCA and back to connect with the second dyke.  By mile 3 I had almost forgotten about the cold and the wind and my body was producing enough heat to distract the cold.  As I reached the west side of the dyke by the more protected waters, I became aware of my shallow breathing and could tell that my breath was stopping short of where it should.  "Single Ladies" came on my iPod and distracted me from the breathing.  I started to settle into the run and begin to notice the beautiful clear sky and the ripples on the water; previously I had been watching the ground in efforts to block the wind from my eyes through my glasses.  My breathing was probably due to a lingering virus that I picked up from my kids.  And no matter how I tried to zone out of the realization that I was sucking air, I finally had to slow.  When I slowed, the wind won against the body heat and hit the pockets of sweat on my clothing and sent shivers through me.  I had to speed up to forget about the wind and the cold.  Of course, then I noticed the breathing.  See the cycle.
 
I passed the water treatment plant,  the smell distracted my brain from focusing on the issues surrounding this run and I managed to breeze through the next couple of miles to the end of my route.
 
I only shared the details of the cold with Tom and he asked, "Is it worth it????"  Yes.  It is worth it.  And now while I’m sitting and typing this entry, I am deeply aware of my body.  And how very good it feels.  And even through the run, how it seemed to know what to do despite the trials.  Almost as if I were divided in half with the bottom half, from the waist down controlled by wind up stick that once it was wound, automatically thrust forward.  And the top half which houses my lungs and my brain was in a very different place……….but connected. 
 
And now my brain matches the satisfaction of my body where they sing in unison:  I kick butt because I just ran 5 miles.
 
That was the running journal phase.
 
Next is the mommy phase with quotes of the boys
 
…. of Dain…..A question he asked as we were clearing the pillows from my bed…."Mom, why do you have these pillows if you don’t even use them.  If we just throw them aside every night, WHY are they on your bed?"   When did he become his father….
 
Of Chase:  As I came out of my hot shower I dried my hair and it looked better than it has in weeks.  I modeled for Tom and Chase and asked how is this fair…and after a little discussion…….Chase said, "Mom, you don’t look a day over 32"
 
Sweet sweet child, 
 
Because tonight I look 40
 
And tomorrow I look 41
 
Happy Birthday Eve!