Bored & Confused

OK, so let’s get this out of the way quick smart and then I can move onto less shameful goings-on:

Angus came over this afternoon and we went for a walk and ended up kissing and let’s be real, I’m probably going to sleep with again because I’m a massive trash bag with zero self respect, apparently. Ergh. I don’t know what to do; I’ve never felt so confused and unsure about anything before. I especially don’t get like this over a guy, that’s just not me…but here I am so I guess it is me after all.

Moving on…

First day back at work today and 5 hours in that place felt like 100 years. The kids were fine but I was just so unbelievably bored and spent half the time watching the clock – I’m certain that for a couple hours in the middle there, it just stopped working completely, it’s the only explanation for how the shift dragged on unbearably slow. The job is just so unfulfilling and I’m the lowest rank so I’m given no responsibilities whatsoever which, after my previous job where I was basically manager of an entire camp, is just so, so dull. It’s really just glorified babysitting, let’s be honest, and I need to get out asap to a job that doesn’t make me want to claw my own eyes out just for something interesting to happen.

I wish I had some more positive things to add! I really am trying to make this a better year but so far, it just feels like the same old. I guess it’s me that needs to go out and make a change because nothing is going to be just handed to me.

Ashleigh