moving on

 Sometimes we don’t realize we are still in pain until something happens.

I saw pictures of a Halloween party that I knew was happening, I knew it was going on, but just seeing the house of the people I used to be with in friends’ pictures made me feel sick.

I have friends that are still friends with them…and I wonder whose side their on.  I know there doesn’t necessarily have to be sides, but sometimes you wonder, who says what.  If people are discrete or if they say things, or if they choose to be silent and neutral.  I used to be that neutral person, but I feel like I’m being hypocritical by doubting other "neutral" people out there.

This doubt though…this pain in my stomach…the reminder that I still have feelings for them…

I think it’s helped me make a big decision I last wrote about.

It’s made me realize I need to get out of La Crosse.  I love La Crosse, but I can’t stay.

And I think… once I move home, get a job, and get focused….I may slowly start to eliminate the neutrals that connect me with them…so I can move on.  Can completely get over them.   It took a long time with Mark, and it took 100% of no contact with him…no talk, no email, no text…I even deleted all the pictures I had of him…I occasionally find one laying around, and I dispose of it.  Thankfully I had no connections with him other than my own.  But I have a few friends that are still good with this couple…and while I like that they are still able to be friends with both of us…much like I usually am that person in similar situations….but I’m not good enough friends with them to trust them…and not good enough friends with them to keep them.  One or two, yes, but the rest…not so much.

In order to be happy I need to move on 100%.  I know it will take time.

But I think the best thing I can do to succeed

Is to get out of La Crosse.