Love and Other Drugs

Haven’t seen that movie, actually, but I want to.  The title is fitting today.

So I ended up confronting Justin last weekend the day after I went up for the tasting.  I was hoping the tasting would put me in more of a wedding mood but it didn’t.  Anyways, we had our serious conversation about me not wanting to get married.  Unfortunately, due to lack of time and me having to rush off to work, we had to cut the conversation short and I ended up just letting it go a more positive (for him) route.  I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.  Sometimes I just get so mentally exhausted after all that and the crying that I just end up saying, "fine whatever." And I’d rather attack it another day/night.

He felt better after talking to some friends that weren’t that close –well coworkers.  Apparently his boss was around my age when she got married, and she started freaking out around the same time that I am (in terms of time until the wedding).  She said it’s normal and it will probably happen a couple more times.  Things have been just okay lately.  I still sort of feel like I don’t want to get married, but I also feel somewhat better.  Do I just feel better because I at least sort of got it off my chest and he’s aware of it? Or is it because I am just feeling better about the wedding?  I really don’t know. (rhetorical questions)

In other events, I started working at MP on my own.  I started with 2 table sections like everyone does when they first start, but both of the closing managers, from the 2 different nights I had 2 table sections, said they thought I was ready for 3 already…AWESOME!!!  It was a little overwhelming on Sunday having that, but then again, ALL the reservations were before 7 pm, so everyone was going a little crazy and everyone was needing help at one point.  So it wasn’t just me being new.  Everyone had the same issue.  I went out Sunday night after work with some people from work. I didn’t really want to, but it was the first time they invited me out, and I felt like it was a good way to sort of get "in" with my co-workers.  Social protocol.  I’m glad I did.  I heard some things about the restaurant, things to look out for, and of course listened to the restaurant gossip.  I didn’t take too much of it in just because I have to make my own decisions about people, but they all seem like a tight knit group anyways.

Last night one of the guys wanted to go out for a drink afterwards.  I really didn’t want to, but he said he really just wanted some company and he’d buy me a drink if it came down to it.  He was staying at the hotel near by, and I felt really weird going into his apartment with him as he changed before going out.  When we went in, he started smoking right away, which…okay fine, it’s his room, but then he starts pulling out a syringe and some other shit.  I got really freaked out.  A part of me thought he was going to drug me and rape me right there.  I kept my phone in my hand the entire time and was texting someone just in case I had to contact someone asap and could just hit call, or even hit the emergency call button on my phone.  I thought it through, and there’s no way he’d do that because, well we work together, and other people knew we were going out afterwards, among a lot of other things, but I was still super uncomfortable.  He got out a pill and started dissolving it, and he was just talking and talking.  I told him I was going to wait outside because I am really nauseous around needles, which was also true.  The whole experience just freaked me out.  He went in the bathroom to finish what he was doing and change and then we went to a restaurant next door that had a bar.

We talked, and he was nice.  I think he just really needed a friend to talk to.  His roommates haven’t really let him move in completely, he was having girl problems, and it just seemed like he didn’t have anyone to talk to.  I was okay with being there with him, despite the discomfort earlier in the night.  The night before, while we were polishing glasses we talked a little bit.  He asked me if I did drugs or smoked or anything. I told him no, but I had other vices.  I was sort of smiling and smirking to myself.  Too hard not to.  I told him I was just a kinky son of a bitch and he laughed and said he was waiting for it. –that was Sunday night.  So last night he asked me a bit more about it, and we talked a little about it.  I also told him the bdsm stuff was also a hobby, and not just about sex.  I go to meet ups and sometimes classes, and it’s fun talking to others about it –I don’t have to hide myself.  The more we talked, again he asked afterwards, "so –how come you don’t do drugs? I mean not to push you or anything. you just SEEM like the type of person who would, but you don’t"  I just told him I grew up an athlete and didn’t want to fuck up my body or my sports. I loved sports more than anything and I didn’t want to lose that.  Then in college I just had no desire.  I know all that stuff is bad for you, and when it came down to pot which isn’t THAT horrible –It was one of those things where I can honestly say i’ve never smoked anything in my life, and I’m proud of it.  Yes, I’m still curious about it, and I know right now if I ever want some, I could get it, but I just have no desire. It’s not worth risking it when I’m still applying for my big girl job.  So that’s how that night went.  Around 11:45 we left the bar, and I was okay with that.  He wanted to go get further high, and i was just wanting to go home.  

It’s been an interesting week, that’s for sure.  There’s a lot more that’s gone on and happened but I think this is long enough for now.

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week!