A Step Forward

 I’m moving forward from all the drama and the break up and all of that fun stuff.  I still find it funny/interesting that Darlene stopped following me on pinterest (while also putting passive aggressive things on there too) and yet she is still friends with me on FB and FL.  Her husband deleted me off FL a while ago.  I sent him a kind email last week shortly after/towards the end of the drama saying I really appreciated him not being an ass about the whole situation.  I do go looking for trouble now and then though….I look each of them up on FL and FB, seeing what they are up to, and see what they post and write about/to their potential new gf.  It’s stalker-ish and I know it just hurts me, but I can’t help it.  I still have feelings for them, and though I don’t think about them a lot consciously, I still have dreams about Darlene now and then.  I am thinking of them less and less, which is good.

I actually thought I was doing really well until Tuesday night, her belly dancing friends came in to work…and to be honest, I was only sorta friends with them because they were friends with Darlene.  I instantly got a sick feeling in my stomach.  There was no reason for it..they were very polite to me, we had friendly chit chat, but I think it was just one of those things where it made me think of her, and I had a horrible gut feeling.  Well, that passed shortly after they left, but then last night when I was down town just having a drink after some studying to chill out, they came into the bar I was in.  Thankfully Jorge was there, and I met his new bf, so his bf and I were talking, and kept my find off them.  Then of course…small world all over again.  I was texting my coworker at this time and told him I was keeping Jorge company at Players, so he and his roommate came in…well his roommate knew the girl/potential new gf they were with, so he went over and talked to them…and coworker went to the bathroom.  I thought…great..fucking great.  At that point I knew that I needed to have more than one drink.  Jorge’s bf bought me another one, and after Tim(coworker) came out and had a talk with a couple people and I finished my drink he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else (i told him that my exes were there)… I was ALL for it.  As soon as we left, my mind was off of them.  We were talking, having a laugh…and I no longer cared that they were there.  I did debate on texting Darlene or sending her a message saying she looked hot but I figured that would just stir up trouble. ha.  The funny thing is…I checked my facebook later and I had a feeling that she was going to post something about having such a great time out, and honestly I kind of wanted to do the same…and sure enough…JUST as I checked..she JUST posted that she had a great time, and tagged herself, her husband, and the soon to be new gf.  I let it go because I was having a good time hanging out with Tim and another friend.  I think I needed that actually.

I’ve been thinking each day about whether or not I should delete her off my FB and FL lately.  It’s one of those things where…I think it’s time, and I think I could do it….but it’s one of those things too where I don’t want to let go quite yet.  She’s been a bitch to me lately, but I don’t know…I just can’t let go.  I bet if I finally did delete her AND Andy off my FB at least, I couldn’t really go looking for them so much…and it would probably help me move on.  It would be another step forward.  Just not sure if I’m ready for it yet.

Ps – the drama I am referring to is something that happened that I didn’t quite write about…or some of it I did anyways.  Basically what happened in my dream that I wrote about 2 entries ago is essentially what happened.  gotta love those intuitive dreams.