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What a interesting couple of days it has been, I have been home sick with a bit of gastro and now poor Callum has got it from me. He had a really high temp and just really sick, I really hate it when he is sick because it just makes me feel helpless that I can’t help him and make him feel better. So I have taken today off work to just be with him, not that he is really doing much but sleeping but his body must really need it. But between us Im really enjoying my time at home and I’m really going to day it, I’m missing being a stay at home mum! Yep I miss being a SHAM. On a personal note, I’m sure that Ill get to do it again. I can’t say that I talk about having a second child much, its a close to my heart subject and it really does hurt a neve with me, but Im feeling that its getting closer to when it could happen now. I think about all the babies that I have lost and I have been thinking about it a lot in last 2 months.

From time I catch myself with tears or just thinking about wow they would have been x amount of age and doing x amount of this by now. At times when I think about it I feel sad but it wasn’t meant to be. I guess I’m feeling closer to that time because I have almost lost 25 kilos (55 pounds). Now a that kind of loss in a normal person you can see right away, but I’m finding that I just don’t see it. But I can feel it you know? In my clothing and face I think I have gotton to that point now where I have lost and its nothing but now anything lost over that mark I will see and feel at a more faster rate. This is why I have to take some photos, but I don’t want to do it till Im sitting right on 140 kilos. I’m going from 141 to 141.5 so I’m slowing getting there. Maybe next week.

Have to see my doctor on Monday which Im going to ask for a bigger fill to tighten me right up! Hoping that should bring me right down to 137kilos – (which was the weight I was when I got pregnant with Callum). So I think that is why I’m feeling closer to a pregnancy because, I know that my body could houses a pregnancy at that weight. Not that I want to get pregnant at that weight again, because I do feel that played a big role in why Callum was so early and my c-section. But it’s the feeling I’m getting closer to some kind of point. I have had in my mind that once I reach 125 kilos, I’m really hoping that my fertility could be back at some regular point. In the last two months I have had some bleeding, now I’m not going to call it a period because spotting for 2 days isn’t one, but it has been at the same time as Meegs so living with another female with no fertility problems is helping my body. Thanks Meegs! 🙂 My body is picking up on her cycle which I must say have been about 28 days talk about text book. She has moved onto the pill now just due to personal reasons so I dont think that Ill be picking that up from her because its not natural.

It’s just a real guessing game as to when and what weight Im going to go normal at, but Im really looking forward to it. Just having that power but over my body and being able to chart and watch my body change and looking for signs for good fertility is going to be great! The next part on my mind is going to be how am I going to get pregnant? Now we all know how it happens, but with matt away for 4 weeks and home for 1 week, but that doesnt leave us much time! LOL So Im thinking that my credit card is going to be very sore for some months. Making trips all over Australia just to get myself knocked up. Arhhh to think what my life has become 😉