I’m a Big Chicken

I’m feeling very clucky today. I guess we all have days like that…please tell me it’s only normal. How can I be so scared of something that brings joy?

I was bored earlier and googling knitting blogs, I found the cutest little Jacket and hat. I bought the pattern book, I couldn’t help myself. Please don’t hurt me. What am I hoping for? A baby in the back yard cabbage patch? To have babies you need to have sex, and that hasn’t been happening in this house hold, plus the fact that I have my first period after the miscarriage and that it’s been hanging around for 11 days now.

Have to say this jacket, hat and shoes are very cute.

It has been almost a year, since I talked to my uterus. You don’t think after all this time she is still mad at me? I should try in get in touch with her. I don’t know how to start. What do you say to something that keeps crashing you’re dreams?

Hey thanks for empting yourself, and oh did you don’t know that there was a baby in there?

After my last miscarrige I was so sure that I would finally take that box of clomid out and start it. Hell why not? One last round for good luck and hopefully a pregnancy that stays for 10 months.

I didn’t ..

I couldn’t ..

I’m a big chicken ..

I don’t want to be upset again, I don’t wan’t to be happy and then so sad again.

I keep looking up at  that photo and all I can see a is little girl wearing that jacket. Hopeful I am, it’s Callum’s little sister.