For Tomorrow is Another Day

So, Im not going back! – To playgroup that is. I haven’t been in a month.

The more I think of it, the more it makes me upset. Why can’t I make friends? What makes me so different so that I stand out?

Yeah, I feel shitty about it. They where why female connection outside of my family. Even still, I don’t know why I feel so much heart loss about it. I was never supported. There children didn’t really like Callum. Well more to the point, there children never said his name. Thats makes me sad. We where always "who that?"

Onto better things..

Moving – Is coming along. Just wanting to hear on the rental house. Hopefully we should hear something by friday/saturday. Just to think that we could be moving as soon as Monday is making my belly full of butterflies. I keep asking myself is this the right thing to do, for me that is. I’m leaving everything that I have ever known. I’m used to having everything at my finger tips. I know in my heart that it is the best for Callum. I know deep down, that he is country boy just like his Father. Matt is running around in cirlces with happiness. I don’t think I have seen him like this for a very long time.

Only  weeks ago I was thinking to myself how our life never changes much and nothing interesting never happens. I opened the water gates, Matt rings me one mid-morning to tell me that he is leaving his job and is coming home. The enxt minute we are still living at Mum’s place and now we have brought a house and are moving 400 kms into the country. How much more interesting will life get, there are only 23 days left of this year. I some what feel like I have come full circle. This year has been the most forfilling year in my life.

Right now, I feel more alone and empty in my life – It’s still a full circle.

I don’t know what my life will come to next.

Maybe I’ll finally find a true friend?
Maybe I’ll be able to be happy, a real happy.
Maybe I’ll become pregnant without drugs and it will be a surprise.
Maybe I’ll finally lose 20 more kilos.
Maybe I’ll really love living in Porland.

I really don’t know..I just hope that in the next year to come that my heart finds some freedom.