But How Long To The Real Thing?
Im sad. I feel so much sorrow for my lost child. Im at this point where I can’t stop thinking about it. All my time very minute of the day I can’t stop thinking about having a baby. I can’t even remember how to relax anymore. I don’t feel happy, all I feel is sorrow for myself and for my lost baby. I didn’t believe that I could be so sad. Most of my friends dont talk to me, because they don’t know what to say. That makes me feel even more alone.
There is nothing more in the world that I would like then to have a baby. Its a longing that comes from the heart, and its in the heart that I hurt the most. My eyes are not a bright blue anymore, but they have turned a pale grey/blue, empty and lifeless. When I look in the mirror I can see sorrow. I lost then a baby that month, I also lost myself.
Receiving what you mostly wanted and then having it taken away. My whole body feels this pain. Im glad that I can conceive it is some comfort knowing that my body works. A test run maybe? But how long till the real thing? I keep telling myself…
In the perfect time
in the perfect way I will conceive and bear my children….
((hugs)) I lost my 2nd child last year and it’s still hard to deal with. I too was given (almost) the same meds you were in your kit. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with a girl. Stay stong, Blessings do happen, just not when we really want them to, they have a thing of happening when we least expect it (when we REALLY need it). My thoughts are with you. <3 jen (from FOD)
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I understand your hurt, and am feeling it with you. *Sits beside, and hugs*…. — Babs
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I never allowed myself to think of my mc’s as test trials, I tried to think of it as the same angel who was fighting his or her way back to me, and soon would finally be able to stay. Just like your angel will fight his or her way back to you soon! {{{{hugs}}}}
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(((hugs))
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I so wish I could give you a hug. I know it will happen for you someday. Have faith sweetheart.
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I am so sorry that you are going through this pain too. There are no words that can make it better, I can only offer {{hugs}} and share that what you are going through is what I am going through too. I don’t understand why some of us have to deal with this pain, why our little Angels are taken away from us, and I wonder how we can ever learn to live with their loss.
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Can I share the details of a book with you that helped me enormously after I lost the twins last year? It may help you to know that what you are going through is all part of the grieving process, that you are not alone. I thought that I was going mad with the grief until I realised that my emotions were normal and that one day I would learn to live alongside it.
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The book is called “Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby” and was written by Deborah L. Davis. I cannot recommend this book enough – it was a life saver for me. (You can buy it on Amazon.)
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I am so sorry for your loss 🙁 I went through it too and I have all the same feelings you do. I think about it every day, all the time. I also have some friends that now seem to keep their distance because they do not know what to say or do. I know that I cannot say anything that will help but you are not alone and if you ever want to talk, you can email me 🙂
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RYN: it the essex county hotel! i think housekeeping is the best place to work!! i’m thinking of conference and banqueting though
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RYN: *smiles and hugs*
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