Not The Same Person

814 pm

I’m going to start catching up with DePhMo in the next few entries.

Before I do anything, though, I MUST tell you of my adventure at Hell (aka walmart) tonight.

I needed deodorant, toilet paper and dog food. I was going to get it in that order to get in and out fast. I saw someone who looked familiar and when she was turning around to laugh at a friend, I realized that I know her. It was Brooke. The crazy ex from Chicago, "affectionately known" as Turkey Bitch. I walked to the beauty section and trie to find the deodorant before she could realize I was there. I didn’t want nor need drama. I turned a corner after getting what I needed and her friend recognized me. I can’t tell you who this girl was as I don’t know her. So she waived and we said hi and awkwardness ensued. She has pink extensions in her hair…she looks like a hot mess. I couldn’t believe I was ever attracted to her. Not good…she did not look good. I was done and I said "How’s the iPad treating you?" she smiled and laughed a little and said "I dropped it and cracked the screen." I looked at her, smirked and chuckled a bit and simply walked away. There was nothing to say. She’s apparently in town visiting because she’s mad at her parents so she took the credit card and drove down here. Can I just say that I have not always had the best taste in girlfriends and be forgiven for my retardation? Thank you.

I text Rachel and told her. I was just…I was stupified for a moment as I walked away. But then it actually felt good to be walking away with a smile on my face. I would have snatched that iPad and brought it home with me if she had it with her. Totally would have been "Uhm, I bought the fucking thing. It’s mine, bitches." and ran to the car cackling the whole way haha I was not a bright person. But I also was not the same person.

Here’s another story for you…

I couldn’t send texts or receive/make phone calls last night and I might have panicked a lot because that’s how I keep in contact with Rachel and my mom…it’s how I know Rach is here in the morning and everything. I messed with the house phone and of course the cordless phone was dead so that only got me more worked up. By the time I finally got my mom on the phone, everything was working again. It was like a 10, 15 minute window where things were failing and I was murderous. Well, we carry my mom’s friend, her husband and their daughter on our plan. They’re like family…used to be. After the accident, I was the one who paid the cell phone bill. That motherfucker was like $325, $350 a MONTH for FIVE phones and that was BEFORE my mom had her iPhone 3GS. But our friend hadn’t been paying regularly. Long story short, she paid in September, I believe…and I told her again in October and November how much she owed. She told me before Thanksgiving she’d give me her portion on Sunday after Turkey Day. I was okay with that because she was out of town and I had to work Friday. Sunday came and went. So did the following Sunday. So here we are, December 10th and I don’t make as much as I used to and I don’t have as much money as I used to and I know the bill was paid like a week and a half late, but I paid it in full…but I wasn’t sure if I had missed and paid less than I had to. I was pissed. I had the parent’s phones turned off. Their daughter’s contract doesn’t end until May and when I can afford to have that fucker turned off, it’s happening. I was LIVID. They pay like a month’s worth of service every 3 or 4 months. It’s not cutting it. Rachel can’t stand it, but not only did I stand on my backbone, but I took my balls from Rachel’s purse and firmly attached them last night. I’m not a Welcome mat, I’m not a charity…I’m lucky that I can take care of myself without the cell phone bill. It has been under $300 the last couple of months, but it’s still outrageous and I’m done. I also don’t like AT&T, but that has to do with the fact that I only have an 8 GB iPhone and have zero space so I’m always fighting to keep/make space.

So…changes are abound and I’m happy with myself. I’m learning about letting go, accepting, being a man and I realize my reactions faster than I used to. Some reactions. Work in progress, as always. I’m glad I’m not static…that would be sad for me so I’m grateful for the support and friendship and love I have in my life. It encourages me, inspires me, and reminds me to keep my eyes on the future because it can only get better if I make it happen.