07/08/2013

I wish I could go back in time and tell Erika what Crystal’s going to do and what she’s going to say. I wish I could tell Rachel that, even though we are doomed, she needs to stay away from Crystal. I wish I could go back in time and stand up, provide proof that she is the most manipulative, conniving, psychotic person I have ever encountered. And I worked with mentally ill who had more sanity than her. I wish I still had my friends.

But then I realize that maybe…if things hadn’t happened how they did, Rachel wouldn’t have missed me. Erika wouldn’t have leaned on me or wanted me around when the prospect of me moving away came up. Maybe I should have moved to NC.

It’s summer. I’m Oklahoma, no less. We have a pool and I’ve had a lot of people over so we have flies in the house. As I’m sitting here at the table with my shirt off, they’re all over my shoulders and arms and it’s driving me nuts. I itch from bites. I don’t handle goodbye well…especially when there isn’t much of one. I guess now is as good a time as any to shut it off. I can’t care anymore. It’s got to be easier to pretend I have no heart than to let people continually get close only so they can walk away. All in all, I’ve lost two people to one person. She somehow made herself more important. Whether it be through lies, sex, deceit, all of the above. I got the most important person back and I know I won’t lose her again.

But even when you know something, it’s hard to really know what tomorrow will bring.

I guess that’s what this crazy thing called LIFE is.