unfolding the maze

After today, that cryptic maze I was caught in suddenly seems linear. That confusion, doubt, and harsh words that seemed so destructive just days ago, now have begin to settle and diminish in the process. Isn’t if funny how clear headed a big fight can leave a person? Or how elucidative a night of staying in can make you the next day? Perhaps it’s merely a combination of the two, but I’d love to think that things are going to start to get better. I could talk endlessly in nonsensical metaphors and irrelevant similes, but I’ll spare myself the embarrassment.

Life can be so cut-and-dry like a rare piece of steak (ha ok maybe just one simile), and it’s those unblurred moments that need to be realized and acted upon. With all the complications in life that drive a person mad, it’s these rare moments when you need to act. You need to think. You need to keep yourself mobile and active in order to prevent regression.

Lately, things from my past have come colliding with predictions and anticipations for my future, while bouncing up and down in the present. I have this vivid, yet comical picture painted in my head of these various thoughts bouncing on one of those moon walks you see in amusement parks, and the future coming to rain on their parade as they bounce along side them. I have seem to regress to my past by reliving and letting past experiences affect my present. Things that I have put on hold, situations or woman that have cast doubt on myself, and thoughts that I have kept buried have seemed to dig themselves up.

What makes me even more frustrated is my inability to write. I am physically capable of writing, but I feel like I can’t write with as much satisfaction as I used to. I’d say it’s a temporary writers block because I am not smiling or feeling the excitement I used to have when I wrote. I’m even angry at myself right now with producing such a piece of boredom. Look how quickly I become frustrated! I can’t even continue writing because my hands are tensing up and not allowing me to type. I’m going to take a clonapin…