seven years later

 Rachel,

 I felt your presence today. It was just a very brief moment as I took a break from work and walked outside. The uncharacteristically strong sun heated my body as I looked up at the sunny skies. It reminded me of that time, one year after the anniversary of your death, where I took a walk along the Hudson River at college to think about you. The sun on your anniversary always tells me you’re here and you’re watching. 

This past year has come and gone, but this past month has been most memorable. I have gone through a time period in life, up and down like all others, but with huge news as a result. I am going to be a father. This news has instilled shock within myself only to turn into excitement. Sure this was unplanned and totally unexpected, but I am taking this news as a sign. My life has changed so fast, so soon, in the last week…

Seven years ago when I received that dreadful phone call from my mother about you, my life changed. My life also changed the day I found out I had Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes. Even before this, my life changed at a young age when I discovered I would undergo my first of many future heart surgeries for my congenital heart disease. There are countless instances in life that change us, but it’s how I dealt with this news that allowed me to succeed.

Your death was by far the strongest and most influential of all the sustaining events in my life. So much of what I do today and how I act is because of you Rachel. You changed me even when you never knew you could. I have felt closer to you after your death than I did when I was lucky enough to be your friend.

Wish me luck Rachel as this year goes on. Keep an eye on me like you have been doing for the last seven years. I miss you my angel.

Love,

Chris