same scenario, different girl

Hop in her car, usual small talk, ask if theres room for two on her side, seat back, we’re kissing…

If I could count the number of times this same scenario has played in my life, I could conduct a full pieced orchestra. Wow, that sounds bad- it sounds tacky, sleezy, and wrong. Not the act itself- the whole scenario is hot and attracts me- it’s the constant skipping over of this same situation just with different girls that’s so wrong…but is it? Is it wrong for me to like more than one girl at the same time? or maybe 2? 3? 4? 5? Welcome to my life

"I can’t stop thinking about you," "I think I’m addicted to you," "I’m so in the mood to have sex and have you touch me," "I don’t think you’re a bad guy," "I miss you," ….each quote, different girl…yes, I know, I’m sounding incredibly self-centered and haughty, but it’s come to that point where I can accept the decisions I’ve made and the lives I’ve affected, and understand this is the way I am. I’m not the guy who endlessly talks about the girl he has or rather the girls, instead I desperately ask about what I should do!? Why can’t I make my mind up? Why do I have so many feelings? How can I avoid hurting someone I like? someone I love?

Hit me over the head with a wake-up call stick because I am about to go through with yet another confusion to add to my love-twisted mind. I know how the others have affected me, yet made my life more interesting, but I know I am going to continue to go through with the "new" one even with her knowing about everyone else…You’d think I go for dumb pushover bimbo’s, but ironically there some of the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, beautiful girls I have been blessed to come by….and that is truly why I can’t let go. I’m sorry for my ambivalence