five years later

Hey Rachel, it’s me. I’m writing as usual on September 12th to tell you I miss you. I am writing to you as if I was besides you having a conversation. I treasure these annual "conversations" that I get to have with you even when they’re far from what real discourse entails…

It’s been five years now that I have seen your face, laughed with you, did art with you, spoke with you. The sadness that took over every part of my body five years ago still lingers inside of me and rests in a small part of my heart. It comes out every now and then when I come across a reminder of you. Luckily maturity and experience helped me move on.

Since our "conversation" last year on this day, my life has changed. It hasn’t been drastic changes, but subtle ones that prove my progression in life and my aging as I travel through adulthood. I am in love with a woman that has everything I want and everything I need. We make each other happy and she looks at me with a patient and understanding eye, which is all I could really ask for. My job right now is decent and I hope to move on into a law enforcement job after I finish all the necessary steps in getting there, which I have begun. The ups and downs of my life seem to flutter between work and love right now, however, I still remain the person I have always been all the while.

It’s not fair that you left so young. It’s not fair how you left us or why you left. I wish things were different, but no pain could be worse than what it was 5 years ago. The pain I feel now is deeply embedded, but guarded and held dearly inside of me. It’s not pain now Rachel, it’s pure rejoice and love. I miss you my angel, talk to you next year.

– Chris