Control

     I know what it means to lose control, to live within boundaries deemed inescapable, and to feel as if the power you once had has been grasped by another. Control is a funny thing. We all want control and we want to be able to do anything. However, the irony of control is battled daily by those who fight it, who escape the shackles that weigh them down and eventually break free. Drug users and alcoholics come to mind when I envision the ones that tend to lose control purposely.

     I often dabble in drugs and frequently drink to relieve the control I let take over my body sometimes. Control is such a precious power and whether or not one wants it or not, it’s an obtainable force capable of being felt by everyone. Some abuse their control, some hardly use any control, while others carry their control with them inherently.
     My recent thoughts about this simple human phenomenon, has all stringed from the reoccurring dreams I have been having lately. Last night would mark the 4th consecutive dream of which the theme was identical to the other three, while the scenario was changed. These dreams always take place with me driving a car. If it’s not a car, it has been a jeep or a truck. In my dream, I am driving aimlessly and lacking the control of any linear movements. I swerve, I dodge oncoming traffic, I even dream my brakes don’t work and I press down on them regardless. I am testing myself in the dream to stay alive and to avoid any obstacle that I am faced with. Then once I am about to crash, I suddenly wake up.
     These dreams are telling me that my control has been a distant force that’s currently not in my grasp. My current job is most likely responsible for these dreams and for the indirect and unconscious precarious feelings I am sustaining. The finances I am working for are being delegated to others while I work tirelessly to maintain a powerful bottom line- a concept I now clearly understand.
     I want back the control I once had. I want these dreams to become calm, linear, and sturdy so that I can live my life accordingly.