an aging smile

Sometimes the greatest memories can send sharp painful spurts of nostalgia down your spine. A vivid memory from a simple photograph can erupt a longing to linger in that moment and relive that smile you once wore naturally on your face. It seems that the expression displayed nearly materializes into the photo itself to brighten that one sequential moment. This is the moment that when looked back upon seems like a smack in the face. It’s not literal pain that shoots through my veins, but it’s a tingling jolt of jealousy.

Memories can fill a person to the brim with all types of feelings. These feelings are memories, but these memories are what makes up who you are. A picture of you amongst a group of friends in a different country sitting around a bar table will undoubtedly flood the self-observer with memories of that night. That smile on my face that stares through me as the outsider looking in, makes that particular picture an unbelievable one. That one picture illuminates the festiivites of that night and all the similar nights that existed during that very happy time for me.

As time passes we form new memories. We live through different circumstances that make living in them part of the game. When you are able to photograph a moment- let’s say, a picture of your girlfriend and yourself on your couch- you begin to scrutinize the simiarities and differences of a present and past photograph that bring two smiles to your face. I look at the former with a more mature and weathered eye while admiring the simpleness and subtleties of the ladder. Age effects a person just as much as it effects a photograph. A glistening smile of a picture captured three years ago in a country filled with new adventures and culture is different than a loving smile of a man that’s happy with what he has. I must be careful when comparing the two or when comparing any past experience to my present. As touched upon before, age effects the feelings we have when reminiscing. Three years ago I was having the time of my life, but also thinking about the wonderful moments I had three years before that. And now three years later after this photo was taken, I appreciate what I once had and learned from that experience while appreciating what I have now and looking towards an even brighter future.