Who’s the Biggest Ass?

Maybe I’m overreacting because he hasn’t emailed me today and he didn’t email me yesterday, I had to initiate it. Its not a bad thing, I agree that things should be mutual. He’s permitted to be sick and cranky. Maybe when he asked to go to lunch on Monday, meaning if I could take him to lunch and I said I had plans if we could go Tuesday and he said he could be dead Tuesday I shouldn’t have said, I’ll find out tomorrow. I don’t necessarily feel the need to talk to the person I’m dating everyday but after almost a week, I want to but then again I want him to miss me because if absence makes the heart grow fonder then maybe I should move to China.

I asked him to follow me to my friends house and I guess signals were crossed, he assumed I wanted him to hang out with me and my friend, not that I would be jealous, it just wasn’t the plan. My friend had to work late (until 5:30) and since he didn’t have class until 6:40 I figured we could get a bite and chill. He couldn’t find parking and was sick and I guess he was in such a rush to get to class. that he had to leave. I said goodbye with a handshake, afterall, he isn’t anyone special to me. He’s no boyfriend, he was just the guy I slept with. I am such a looser and I feel so low and so used. Aren’t real mean supposed to treat the women they are courting? I almost feel like he’s really pimping me. I pay ALL the time and I sleep with him. I wouldn’t exactly call that a relationship. I’m feeling frusturated. Chances are he’s going to call and want to get together this weekend, but I will have plans because I wait for no man.

I was talking with a co-worker and she told me from the get-go that she tells anyone she’s involved with that she wants no mind games. I’m the kind of person  that waits for a guy to call me and when he does call, I don’t return calls right away, I may call the next day and use the excuse that I was tired and turned in early or someone was on the phone. I wait not because I don’t want to talk, but if I returned calls right away  or pick up right away he may get the impression that I was waiting for his call. I don’t want to be too available and I need him to know I have a life. When he asked when I am getting my phone turned on (he likes to text me) I said I don’t really use it, to which he agreed with but truthfully I am absolutely miserable without it.

I am a jealous person (not a great quality) and when he doesn’t call me and I don’t hear from him, I naturally assume that he met someone else, he sleeping with someone else, or he doesn’t like me anymore. For that, whenever we depart I say, "I’ll see you again another time or I’ll talk to you again another time." That way its left open and there isn’t committment attached to when another time is and I keep the ball in the air. Maybe I’m being too cautious of my feelings.