Fatty

I’ve l’ve let myself go, really I have. I have to get back to the place I was at so that I can feel good for myself. Monday night I had 2 burgers, a plate of fries and coke and a pint of ice cream. Tuesday I was so bloated I looked and felt like I was about to give birth to a water buffalo. Seriously! Then I figured since I felt that way, may as well continue so I had oatmeal (I always start out with good intentions) then for lunch I had chinese food…lots of chinese food and a smoothing and 2 bags of gummie bears 2 candy bars and a bag of chips. Today I’m really going to try to be good. I’ve had an energy bar, coffee and oatmeal. I’m angry with myself for letting myself go. I know its not what you weight that matters, its how you feel and what your body looks like to you. I’ve gained about 25 pounds in the past 2 years and have outgrown my clothing. When I see my grandmother she just comments on how fat and round my face is.

I really want to try Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem, but I’ve heard so many mixed reviews that I’m skeptical to waste so much money. Truthfully, deep down I know that eating healthy isnt the way to loose weight, I need exercise, but when you get up at 4 am and come in at 6, exercise is the last thing on my mind. I just need to make myself do it! I feel a void though, I’m doing it for myself and that’s part of the reason i’m not motivated to do it. I figure I will get to it when I can, there’s no rush. I think I need a bigger motivation than me but I dont know if its a person or a thing and I definately dont know where to find it.