I’m still learning

Her blood runs through my veins.
I have my mother in me.
I hate it.
I can slice people with my words.
I can write anyone off and feel nothing for them.
Her self loathing soaked into me in her womb.
Her obsession with wanting to be wanted fed me.
Her addiction to self harm and self deprevation  bled into me.
She is smart in the way of survive and feel nothing .

But my fathers blood runs through my heart.
His acceptance for people.
His love for people.
His love for life.
His overwhelmingly optimistic point of view.
His dedication for the ones he loves.
His moral compass is my guide to life.
His ability to love so unconditionally.

I am my mothers damsel daughter.
But I am my fathers pride.

My blood runs through my children’s veins.
I try my best for them.
I hope they got all my assets.
I hope they never have to heal from my damage.
I pray they love like I learned to love.
I pray they know just how extraordinary they are.
I pray they rely on me the way I couldn’t rely on my mother.
Over all I just hope I make them proud.
That’s all I want.
I hope they know they are the only light I ever truly followed.
I hope they know how they absolutely made this world so weightless.