Unclogging the Space-Time Continuum
There was once a time when every single entry I wrote in here was as formulaic as any essay I’ve ever written. Same old form I learned back in tenth grade: Five paragraphs (at least), starting with the introduction (complete with thesis statement at the end), then at least three paragraps of body (using each to match a part of the three-pronged thesis statement), then a conclusion (headed by the thesis restatement). Now, not all the entries had a thesis or anything, but they definitely had defined parts. What the hell am I even getting at with this? I don’t know how to really write an introduction anymore. At least not that kind. Hilariously enough….this has proven to be an introductory paragraph. And, thus, I have made myself appear foolish. What’s new…
I had originally planned to sit at home and do nothing on Easter sunday. I’ve never been a fan of the holiday. It’s never meant anything to me. I know to a lot of people it’s one of the two or three days a year they’ll bother to go to church (no shots at the "every Sunday" diehards here….just the "Easter-Christmas-1 or 2 Random Sunday’s a Year" Crowd), but to me…it’s one of those days my parents want to have me come over and eat dinner. The only reason I even accepted my mom’s invitation was because C.J. was coming home, and I hadn’t seen him in a month or two (despite living a whole 45 minutes apart). Then, of course, my dad called me, too, later in the day. I made a point of visiting him as well, of course, as I hadn’t seen him in over a month either (despite living a whole 10 minutes apart….but we work opposite times of the day).
But none of that is the point I’m actually trying to make here. So, moving on….
During dinner, myself, C.J., mom, and Randy (my stepdad, C.J.’s dad) were watching Back to the Future for reasons I can’t quite remember….if I ever knew them. Being as I am, and thinking of things I’m not supposed to as a viewer, I had to turn to C.J. and ask, "So…does the clock tower get struck by lightning because Marty went back in time? Or was it going to happen anyway?" I know mom and Randy wish I hadn’t said anything, because C.J. and I went on for almost half an hour about the effects of time travel just within that movie. There’s no right answer to my question, of course. It’s something you’re not supposed to think about, which is exactly what my mother said. I can’t help myself, though. I really want to know. More things I want to know: How did George McFly get Lorraine to fall for him originally if he never punched Biff the first time around? This action dramatically alters the future of the McFlys and Biff. How come all the kids look exactly the same in both time-realities? Wouldn’t that be much less likely than, say, Marty being female instead? If a new timeline has been created, why would everything be the same? Does Doc Brown invent the time machine because he knows he did it, or was he going to do it anyway?
This is why I fucking hate time travel as a plot device. It’s the same with Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991). Evil aliens from the future move Godzilla before he is mutated by radiation, placing what would become King Ghidorah on the island instead. So wouldn’t this have negated all the previous things in the previously established Godzilla timeline? Instead, when Godzilla shows up, everyone remembers how he had been before, exclaiming, "Wow, he’s way bigger and more powerful now." (How, you ask? Turns out the evil aliens teleported the Godzillasaurus to a spot where a Soviet nuclear submarine "just happened" to be destoryed later on…..yeah…."deus ex machina" what?). In other words, no one could’ve known Godzilla ever existed because (from that timeline) Godzilla (1954), The Return of Godzilla (1984), and Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989) NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! Again…..this is why I fucking hate time travel. It raises way more questions than necessary for any story.
Now Playing in Dave’s Mental Jukebox: "Stupid" by Sarah McLachlan, "Enemy" by Static-X, "Bossy" by Kelis (AHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s making my ears bleed!)
What is it about unspeakable carnage that draws people like buzzards hovering over a dead herd of cattle? Case study: Gallatin, TN. For about five days after the tornado ravaged the northern part of town, the police were restricting access to the damaged areas to people who lived there or worked there. All except for Highway 31, which is kind of the main artery to the interstate and can’t possibly be closed. Well, for a few days traffic on the short stretch of 31-E where Vol State and the destroyed dealerships are located crawled like an uncoordinated baby. Slower then thick molasses on ice. It was pathetic. There were people from all over the state just passing through to look, then turning around and doing it again. Ridiculous. Once all the neighborhoods opened back up, well, the people flooded there, too. As I drove to my mom’s on Sunday, I had to honk at someone to move (they were stopped! fucking stopped! in the middle of the road!) just so I could turn onto her street. Yeah, I realize it was a bad disaster. I was there not twenty minutes after it passed. But I don’t think anyone needs the irritation of having some jackoff from two counties over creeping past their house gawking at the shattered remains of their life. I’ve taken to yelling out my window at them, honking at them….whatever I can to get ’em moving. The town appreciates the aid and sympathy…….but we don’t need your fucking gawking. Piss off and keep moving.
Just under two weeks from now will be the fifth anniversary of this diary. Shocking. Since I’m big on commemorating dates, I’m definately planning…….something. I just don’t know what yet. But know that this milestone shall not go unnoticed.
Yet again this weekend, one of my favorite sayings (of my own creation, of course) was proven accurate. Which one? "My nose is running like a Kenyan in a marathon." Taking no one by surprise, Kenyans won both the men’s and women’s divisions of the Boston Marathon. I said this about the saying once before, and I’m going to say it again now (and I quoth Homer Simpson), "It’s funny because it’s true."
For one of the few times ever, I’m having trouble with how to end a story. Usually, the beginning and ending are the two easiest things to write. But this time…………I can’t figure out how to end it. I know what events have to be worked in, but I have no clue how to do it perfectly. Basically, Darin (the main character) has to get dumped, find out on his own Ayme and Slade are together, confront Ayme, find peace/go nuts (having not decided that is really telling, isn’t it?), and find some manner of closure. And I have to bring it full circle with the beginning of the story because the main part of it all is told as a flashba
ck. In the present, Ayme and Slade are together and Darin doesn’t know it yet. So do I pick up with the present? End it before Darin finds out, or after? It has to be after, because if I end it before, well….that’s no ending. And it has to happen soon because the third chapter is running way long. As long as the first two combined. Poor planning on my part, I know. Don’t talk to me about it, talk to The Voice. It just tells me what to write.
Yes, I have a voice in my head. It’s purely literary. If I’m writing a conversation between characters, I can hear it taking place in my head. I can see it taking place in my head, actually. The movie I wrote? That whole thing flowed out like this. The first draft of it, anyway. I’ve revised it plenty in the three or so years since I finished it the first time. It’s almost a passable movie now. But not quite.
Anyway. I think it’s time I go. This sucker is starting to get a little overlong. I’m not trying to be Peter Jackson here, and some of these short little paragraphs are turning into slow motion shots of Ann Darrow that linger way too long (take that!). So I go.
Sayonara.