Marking the Passage of Another Year

"Even though you’re gone….I’m still holding onto everything that could have been…"

Yes, I know…it’s been a little while.  What can I say?  I don’t feel the need to write much anymore.  I’m at a point right now where I feel like there’s too much going on in my life that I’m unable to write about.  Yeah, I know.  Imagine me saying that.  And yet, it just happened.  But when it’s one of those things that writing about it could entirely fuck with the outcome of said situation…well….you tend to keep those things to yourself for at least a time.  Y’know, until you figure you which way it’s all gonna go.  And I’m truly not so sure at this juncture.  So, for now….keeping my mouth shut.  Then again, I’m being muzzled privately, too.  And, knowing myself, if that keeps up it’ll get all too public.  We all know how fucking terrible I am at keeping things bottled up for too long.  Eventually that seal’s gonna break, and it’ll all come spewing out like a shaken up Coke, whether anyone likes it or not.  And, in this case, that would be a definitive "not."

But anyway…

"Breathe….just for one more day and you’ll come back to me…you’re so cold…I….I wonder whether you’ll come back to be…."

Work has gotten much better since that horrific first day.  Sure, I’ve been cussed out a couple of times, but, by and large, the people I talk to every day are quite nice and very respectful.  They even enjoy being joked with!  I’ve spoken with a couple of girls who I think would’ve dated me (if it were not a fireable offense, I totally would’ve done it, too), and I even had one lady tell me she loved me!  Nevermind that it was because I reminded her of her nephew….that’s irrelevant.  The days go by pretty fast (except for the middle part between first break and lunch….that’s always a horrible part of the day).  I even come out of work nearly every single day in a good mood regardless of what has happened during the course of the day (and there have been several where I’ve needed a good cheering up).  And, hey, I’ve even gotten to sit ringside for a meltdown.  The annoying lady who sat behind me all through the first four weeks of training totally lost it because our senior rep helper refused to take over a call from her when a belligerent customer requested a supervisor.  She just went off, and it was absolutely fucking hilarious.  Why would you get into a customer service job if you can’t handle someone cussing at you?  And this lady had worked for BellSouth for 30 years!  Oh well, whatever.  At least it gave me a severe case of the chuckles.  That’s all that really matters in the end, isn’t it?

Now Playing in Dave’s Mental Jukebox:  Pretty much just the entire CD Funeral For Yesterday by Kittie.  I’ve listened to nothing else since I bought it this past Tuesday.

"And this love…will be the death of me…blank eyes see no end…pulse is weak….your skin is turning blue…I can’t let go of you…."

In life news, I turned 27 this past Wednesday.  Big fucking deal, eh?  I won’t complain, though.  It netted me $150 and a new shirt.  So that’s a good thing.  It also got me 2/3 of a cake and an entire chocolate pie.  How I’m supposed to eat all this, I don’t know.  Have I mentioned that I weigh a mere 185 pounds now?  Yeah…that’s down from 230 about six months ago.  Everyone wants to know my big secret, and up to this point, I’ve just told people that it’s because I eat less.  But really, my loss of appetite had nothing to do with choice.  It’s been entirely stress related, and that goes back to the thing I don’t want to type about right now.  Though I’m sure the pieces aren’t really going to be too hard for a smart person to put together.

But, again, I desire to make myself stay away from there….no matter the flinging of text messages that just took place.  ::sigh::

In fact, I think it’s time to truncate this before I get more loose-lipped than I’m already becoming.  I can feel it on the verge of breaking out.  And thus, I end here.

Sayonara.