Day 20
I dropped Chance off at school, went in, and explained he had a bad night. Headed out to get a load of feed. Thinking I feel so bad for not making him stay home and sleep. My ass is dragging, so he has to be.
Got a call from the sheriff’s office. They caught the people that were doing burglaries and had robbed the stores, and the female could have been a twin to Chance’s mom, so that’s off my plate.
Pickup Chance was in a good mood, but looked so tired
Chance: sorry I made you be up all night. I know it’s hard on older people
Me: you know you are a brat, but it’s ok
Chance: you take a nap are work for a change
Me: really, you want to be a Butthead all-day
Chance: I got like enough homework for 50 kids
Me: Sounds like you got a lot to do
Chance: you could help, but no math. You messed that up last time
Me: How did I mess it up
Chance: Because I knew how to do it before you explained it.
Me: you’re a Butthead. Do you want a DP for the ride home?
Chance: yep, and chips and maybe a reeses cup. Oh look, the strap on my backpack broke, Plus got a hole in my sock. And lost my cap
Me: so, which one are you trying to get past me, hoping I didn’t catch them later? You can say I told you about it.
Chance: none
Me: if you say so, you can get chips and a reeses. You have another backpack at home, and you have another cap, but look at lost and found. You have more socks.
Chance: Can I drive when we get on our road, Please
That whole thing was his goal to get to the dad can I drive
Frozen pizza for dinner. He picked. He had a lot of homework. He got it done and Showered and did his hair.
Chance: I already laid my stuff out for the morning. I think I’m going to sleep in your room so you will sleep all night.
Me: Ok, did you get the other backpack and find that new pack of T-shirts and socks? Sleeping in my room will work. I’m really tired, so thanks.
Chance: yes
He got his mom’s throw, and in her chair, he went. I think that chair and her throw are the only tie to normalcy he has left. He gets in that chair and almost tries to disappear into it. Years and years ago, I remember my dad had been gone about a year, and I went by to help my mom clean out his closet when she opened the door. She said not yet. I asked why, she said when I open the door, it has his smell, and it brings back memories. I’m not ready to let that go. I couldn’t smell anything, but maybe that’s what he is doing when he wrapped in her throw and got in her chair.
I sit here and watch him sleep and think, how can something so little be so intimidating? I have so many decisions to make, and everyone matters so much, and I find I’m still trying to get to know him because I have learned I don’t know my own child.