I Can’t Anymore..

It’s been 5 days, out of the 10 she will be gone. I feel as if I just got my heart ripped out of my chest. I long to hear her voice..

And we aren’t even dating. I hate that I feel this way about her. In 5 days, she will be home and things will go back to how they were… until she moves in with him. If this is how it’s going to be when she is living with him, I probably should just walk away now.

I’ve told her how I felt, there is literally nothing more I can do.

I’m having panic attacks thinking about doing that, but I don’t want 2 weeks of amazingness, just to go back to this.

I hate that I have no love life, no close friends anymore, nothing to do each and everyday. How in the hell am I supposed to stop smoking, while dealing with all this going on in my heart / head?

I need to find, and get on a working medicine ASAP, because if I let this go… I’m scared where it will end up.

My depression / panic attacks are getting so out of control.. I don’t want to go through the heartache of thinking about them together. I only want her..

-M

That Crazy Redhead

Oh jeez. I’m so sorry man. I know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on. 🙁

because i said

August 24, 2021

I’d definitely call a doctor asap. After reading your entries it sounds like you’re having a really hard time and you need some support/help. There is no reason to delay… Please call your doctor.

Also, you should try making YOU your number one priority. You are the most important thing in your life. I understand that relationships are important and this particular woman is very important. But it’s very hard to carry on with any sort of love until you love yourself. Her being with you won’t fix all of your problem. Focus on yourself and give yourself the love you need! XoXo

1 reply

Peace

August 29, 2021

Nicely said, @becauseisaid

Just like you I too have based my life around someone else and without them I too have nothing.

I think you and I should take @becauseisaid ‘s advice and find out own person and our own story.

I am going to go back and find out what has happened since I last read your diary, so I can maybe give you a constructive response. ❤

August 30, 2021

@ncumisa <3

sweetie04

September 6, 2021

Sorry I know it sucks. It probably would be best if you walk away now, but you won’t because you want the time with her before it completely gone. Wishing you well.