Unbe-freaking-lievable

Ohhhhhhhhhh you will not believe what happened yesterday.

5pm. Getting ready to leave work, head to Chiropractor, sit through a class, then do a presentation.

Phone rings at work…After 5….I debate answering it….but I decided to.

I’m not sure if that was a good thing or a terrible, terrible mistake.

It was the graduate school, and there was a PROBLEM.

Oh, let me back the happy train up just a sec. Yesterday MORNING I got an email stating that they didn’t have ANY of my 3 required letters of reference. I looked at them and kinda went "You huh??" because I was under the impression that since my application was a RE-ADMIT no letters were needed.

Apparently…I was never supposed to have been able to reapply.

APPARENTLY I was supposed to apply as though I’d never applied before.

Even though I had.

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!?!? I call the grad school, I ask them what to do, they say reapply, there’s an option for a reapplication application….so I did that one. APPARENTLY the computer system messed up and should never have offered me that application.

So then the graduate school messed up because what I kind of did was reapply for something you can’t reapply for…but they didn’t catch it and put my application through to the department. The DEPARTMENT then has been waiting on stuff that wasn’t coming.

Even though I CALLED the graduate school and asked if my application was complete. And I was told IT WAS.

This was the FIRST I’d heard of my application not being complete, however this is NOT the first time they’ve screwed my application up.

Oh, and the deadline to apply was YESTERDAY.

So they are calling me…. at 5pm….on the day of the deadline.

So for TWO HOURS I’m on the phone with these people (Oh, and my application is ALSO listed wrong and therefore in the wrong department) and I’m literally listening to them try and decide if I have a chance or not at getting my application straight for this semester.

Seriously. You want to talk about stressful things….it’s like watching a tornado come at your house…you may be ok, or your world may get shattered. You’re not really sure and there’s an equal chance of it hitting or missing.

My Lord.

So by this time it’s almost 7pm…I have a presentation in an hour and a half. The grad school is going to try and figure things out tomorrow….

So I want to talk to someone…I want my mom.

So I call. And I tell her about my horribly stressful day and how worried and scared I am and how I wish I hadn’t had to rush through undergrad and screw my grades but I had to because I was told that we had no money to pay for school and to get out in four years….and just how much MY life sucks.

Well apparently she decided to take part of what I said and make it all about her because she suddenly got very quiet and wouldn’t really even speak. She’d just say in a "oh poor me" voice "yeah. ok". Like she wasn’t listening and she was this poor little hurt doll that someone had discarded in the trash and the world is so horrible and mean to HER.

And so then I tried to make her not feel bad even when it’s MY FREAKING LIFE THAT’S HANGING IN THE BALANCE RIGHT NOW….and as I was hanging up because she had stopped commincating…I said "I love you, bye" and she just sat there. I could HEAR HER SITTING THERE…..I could hear the TV….and after about 5 seconds of her just SITTING THERE she hung up.

She fucking hung up on me.

I told her I loved her and she hung up.

SERIOUSLY. If you have a child…no matter what happens…if they say they LOVE YOU, you fucking say it back. What if I died? What if she never ever ever sees me again? What if I’m kidnapped? THE LAST THING SHE FUCKING DID WAS HANG UP ON ME.

And I knoooooooow she heard me, and I KNOW she didn’t say anything back. She’s just that petty and immature.

Seriously. That’s just uncomprehendible to me. And she will SO deny it later. Or blame me. Or whatever. Because it’s all really about her anyway.

So that triggered some hysterical crying…and hyperventallation. And Stephen couldn’t get me to calm down so we had to call the emergency therapist line.

Then I got to do my final presentation.

Which actually went quite well.

But now there are more phone calls from the graduate school…and I just KNOW my grades aren’t going to be good enough. I looked at my undergrad GPA. People with my grades….don’t get to go to grad school.

But then again, the last two years have been REALLY good.

*sigh*

I just don’t know. I’m just so scared.

And I’m just so unspeakably hurt.

You don’t hang up on your freaking kid.

See why I’m never having children? I don’t want to suck at being a mom.

Seriously. You tell your kid you love them.