Loss, Learning

Sad news from A’s daughter. Ultrasound showed her fetus is 99% probably severely deformed, to the degree that if it lived to be born it wouldn’t live beyond a year. A. is raging, because her husband forced her into the pregnancy in the first place. (They have two children, and she is 37 and didn’t want anymore. He, according to him, jumped on the birth control pills and then told her that if she doesn’t want to have another baby with him he’d find someone else who would. I am assuming that she didn’t tell him to go ahead because she really wants to have a home and stable family…). I wouldn’t want to be that guy next week–the entire family is vacationing together in NC at the shore–34 people–and there are a lot of brothers and uncles involved. However, A. was somewhat mollified to learn that Blowhard is grieving with her, rather than insisting that she try again right away.

As for me, I am working non-stop on the job search, learning all sorts of stuff about job hunting from the “outsourcing” company my old company is paying for. It’s really very interesting. Did a couple of teleconferences today, do 3 tomorrow. At the end, when I’ve had enough, I go outside. I can’t get enough of outside.

H told me that he is probably going to have to have cataract surgery. I confessed as to how I think the whole thing sounds gross even though I know it’s simple and painless. He said that to tell the truth he hopes that this is what he needs, because otherwise they don’t know what’s wrong. I was appalled, horrified. It was one of those moments when I still felt married to him. I wanted to take care of him. This doesn’t have anything to do with A. It’s just schizy,what happens when you have more than one important relationship in your life, I guess.

Talked with H. tonight about Ben and job hunting. H. was very energized, a little hyper. It reminded me of how oriented to problem solving re: kids we fell into being. A good thing, but too much of a good thing too. Sometimes you need to relax, step back–the trick is knowing when.