Group Psychology

Last Friday JG blew his top at a meeting. I know why, but even if his buttons were pushed he went overboard, and I say this even though I lost my own temper quite a few times this past year. He was trembling, pale, refused to accept an apology, etc.

A couple of hours later, JH and CC, both former employees who have returned and joined our group, showed up in my office. They’d been upset and wanted us to tell our group head (my favorite guy, not) about it, sign a petition, or some such thing. I didn’t want to do that, given my own history with my supervisor and the way communication has deteriorated and back stabbing increased last year. I suggested Mel go talk to JG first. They demurred–what if he does it at the next meeting? They called in NG and Mel. NG admitted that she too felt afraid, physically afraid. (I am more used to JG, but he went on so long and seemed so out of control I felt embarrassed). I repeated that it would be better for Mel to tell JG about his effect on people before getting the boss involved, given how punitive our group head is. I also said that if they wanted to skip this step they still couldn’t count on me to make a complaint to the boss. (I went to lunch with JH afterwards and explained why). Everyone finally agreed to this plan, with the proviso that if JG blew up again either someone would suggest he take a walk to cool off or other people leave.

Yesterday JH blew into my office and closed the door. She said she was glad that I had “pushed back” at them. Mel went to talk to JG on Friday, and at the end of the day JG asked to talk to her. He asked if she had been upset with his outburst, and she said yes, and gave it to him straight, that when a man blows up, women get very nervous because of the physical factor (though she is bigger than he is, but that is neither here nor there). He was appalled, she said, really upset. So upset that she felt guilty for a while. He said he would never do that again. Yesterday morning he went to CC and apologized to her.

Interestingly, the result has been to make JG, admittedly a strange bird, to feel less isolated. He told JH that he was upset and paranoid because the Boss doesn’t know anything about what he does except when people tattle to him. (Tell me about it). When JH told him that we had settled on not going to the Boss before making sure JG knew what was going on, he appreciated it greatly. I noticed that he’s been smiling more this week.

JH and I ended the conversation by joking about how handling JG’s tantrums could involve childrearing tactics (telling him to take a walk to cool off). I told her about the time I held a raging Ben and told him nothing he could do would make us stop loving him. She fantasized us all leaping to our feet and pulling JG’s head to our maternal breasts. Then JH compared JG’s lovely waving chestnut hair to our boss’s dandruffy hair.

Things are definitely looking up.