Open Relationships

I forgot about OD for a bit there, and of course remembered it when I had something on my mind.

I knew it was coming, but my partner want’s to open our relationship.  I entered into a serious long term relationship with her knowing that she would at some point.  I’m definitely more monogamous leaning personally.  I have no issues with non-monogamy, I just don’t know how well I do it.

Someone from work asked her out.  She said no, but realized that she wanted to be saying no because she wasn’t interested, not because she had to because of relationship status.  I’m pretty sure she is interested in this person, but my only rule has been that neither of us date anyone from work (because we work in adjacent buildings at the same company in and I’m in her building all the time for meetings.  Our company is also notoriously employee unfriendly if they thing that something will damage their contract. They’ve fired people for way less than some public dating drama or petty bullshit.  Dating/sex within that atmosphere seems like asking for trouble.). She agreed.

We’ve had a few conversations about it in the past and I knew it was coming but it still caught me off guard.  A lot of my worry stems from possible change in the relationship.  I do fully believe she loves me and that this is a long term effort for both of us.  This is easily the best Because I knew the conversation was coming I did sit down and think about what I was worried about and what I thought was the root of those worries.  I also included problems that I thought I might cause.  I’m not super interested in having sex with someone who I don’t have an emotional connection with.  It doesn’t need to be strong, but it needs to be there.   I also crush super hard on people. I don’t know what it looks like when I’m in a relationship with someone I love deeply and am also crushing super hard on someone else.

I also worry about that the fact that I haven’t always had great luck finding people to date/hookup with in the past.  I can be shy and awkward and weird.  After a breakup I had in 2009 I was single until 2011 and despite trying to meeting people was wildly unsuccessful, even for hookups.  My gf says I’m just not marketing myself well enough, which I’m sure is true, but is also an unhelpful answer.  She’s gotten hit on and asked out multiple times in the last year, sometimes in front of me.  She won’t have any problems meeting and finding people when she wants.  She’s convinced it won’t be hard for me to meet someone, and I know she things I’m attractive and funny/charming/whatever so it’s harder for her to see, but it’s frustrating.

I don’t know.  I have a lot of thoughts on this and none of them are particularly orderly.

I think I’ll adjust to it and I think some good can come of it, but I’m currently just filled with worries, anxiety, and fear, one of which is that she’ll get tired of helping me through this, which I consciously know isn’t true.  She’s the one requesting this change and knows my thoughts on it and I think as a result there’s an extra emphasis on her being patient during the transition.

Anyone out there that wasn’t into being non-monogamous and tried it out for a partner and ended up being into it? Everyone in my life who has gone non-monogamous is someone who has always been into it and made the shift at some point.