Looks

I don’t think I’ll ever feel beautiful. Once upon a time my husband made me feel that way, but the more I get to know him the more I question why he’s even with me?

He loves feminine women. Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds, many of the Star Trek, and sci fi women, and just feminine women new anchors. 

Then, I wonder, why do you say you love me? I’m not feminine, I’m bigger than most big women you like on tv or in general, I have short  hair, I’m a damn slob and I hate myself everyday. I always wonder what you saw in me to begin with. Yet I stopped asking. I no longer want to know or make you so irritated in my insecurities that I drive you away.

 I don’t know how to even start liking myself. Idk. I’m lost in that place right now of how do I start and am I worth it. I’m the only one that can find the answers.