My trip down memory lane

weight: 144.0

Again, I’m not celebrating yet. If it sticks, i’ll celebrate. i just ate a lot of fiber. Last night, i just couldn’t get to sleep. eventually, i turned to the soothing tones of glen harold. incase you didn’t know, glen harold is a famous hypnotist who puts out bits for audible.com. Honestly, i just like the british accent. I am a total anglophile. That started with charlie, the first guy to like me for the way i was and also the first guy who told me i was…god, how did he put it, a bit soft round the middle? no….he said something like i could lose a few pounds. I was sixteen then. I met charlie in the same year I met chris…but i met charlie in july…chris happened in september.

Charlie was british and I was in london studying shakespeare. Something about english men…they’re more approachable…probably because I didn’t have as much competition. Ok. I may be chubby, but my teeth are straight and white, and my features are fair. If not for the fat, i’d even say i’m somewhat pretty. Anyway, Charlie was one of those guys you just don’t forget. He and I met through a series of disasters(i don’t have time to retell that fairy tale), and ended up sleeping with eachother within 8hours.  Funnily enough, I know, I know, i sound like  a total slut…but i’m really not, i swear. Charlie and I didn’t have sex again that summer…but he would come up to my dorm room(which was a single, and had a maid…can you believe that? god i wish i was english), and we would talk for hours and make out for hours, and eventually fall asleep in eachothers arms. When i left, I knew I was mad about him, but I also knew that I would forget about him and meet someone new. And I did. I met chris….and chris again, and a different chris, and a whole slew of in between boyfriend guys. But believe it or not, charlie and I stayed friends throughout. we wrote eachother letters about our missadventures and once in a bluemoon, when he was drunk or lonely, he would call me. and EVERY year, i would get a call from him on his birthday.

5 years later we actually dated. It was very expensive and not very practical. But it was romantic and I really loved dating him…though, it was impossible not to compare him to chris at times. He flew here, I flew there, we talked on the phone way too much….And then we ended…and i immediately picked up joe. Thats right, joe sounds like a rebound.  A 2 and a half year rebound from a relationship that wasn’t even a year. I’ll give you his story another day.

Charlie and I still write eachother and still speak occaisionally. Though, with him, I know it can never work out. we are both in new relationships, both of which are closer to home, and he and i are nothing, if not practical…But I’m cuter than the new girl. and thats all i’m saying about her…because really, with charlie, i want him to be happy.

I know this is rediculous but i think that just talking about the people who have given me complexes over the years is going to be the thing that gets me through this. so bear with me?

All of you who have been reading and commenting…You have no idea how much that means to me. thank you.