Now normal..

 It must be autumn. I am waking earlier and earlier. The dark hush of dawn feels like an old home. It is the place to write and think and reflect and remember.

We got back a week ago from a much much needed vacation. We took the boys to a beautiful cabin up the steep side of a mountain near Gatlinburg, Tn. The boys really did fantastic. We did some light sightseeing, visited an aquarium, hiked some, visited a homey farm zoo, ate out as much as we ate in (the cabin is nicer than our home and has a full kitchen!), and let the boys swim for six hours at an indoor swim park. We had to sit through a 2 hour time-share mind suck to get the wrist bands for the swim park but it was worth it. 

I’ve had some days off work and it’s been good. I was able to get the mess unpacked and put away. I will take the van to get cleaned out today but will have to do some of the deeper cleaning/ vacuuming myself I am sure. It’s a mess. Spend some good quality time with Cam-man. Q is in full time preschool now. He’s doing ok, I think. He’s also having some occupational therapy for a fine motor skill delay. He’d been making some progress but I didn’t work with him much over our holiday week and it shows. I saw some "art work" posted in the hallway of his school. Q’s primitive renderings were easy to identify. He likes to scribble mad "tornadoes" in black and purple instead of any sort of writing or drawing. He has an appointment today. I wonder how many steps he’s taken backwards.

My mother is still dying. I’ve not seen her since I’ve gotten back Sunday. I wanted to take her out to lunch yesterday since both boys were in school/daycare but she suddenly wasn’t "feeling well". I call her frequently but she never takes me up on my suggestions. She comes over for dinner sometimes but the boys’ energy and rambunctiousness makes her uncomfortable and tired. She takes up space on the loveseat and huddles under a blanket for a couple of hours and then asks me to take her home. I think she is drinking alot to ease her pain both physically and mentally. Perhaps even spiritually. My mother hates being alone. I think she hates the fact that she’s lost 2 husbands and hasn’t met a quality significant other. My mother is one of those "someone-anyone" people. I think she resents her twin having a boyfriend as she transitions towards death.  My mom has only this strange little man pal who has eked out an existence from the outer fringes of society by sucking off the material dregs from his "friends" as they die…in a friendly sort of way. He’s taken my mom to most of her appointments and does nice things for her..but I cannot help but wonder what he’s sponged from her in return. I wish he’d clear away some of the junk she’s hoarded in her back porch and her garage. It is like something from those awful tv programs. He’s leaving that for me and my brother after she passes.

There is more to write but I have coffee to drink and a day to begin. Much more to do, as always. My daughter and her husband as coming home for the weekend to attend our town’s Oktoberfest. I enjoy having them but I have kid junk to clear from the guest room since they’ll bring their dogs as well.  And I go back to work tomorrow. 

Life returns to a state of now-normal.