NoJoMo 20

 Bone tired.

I keep wondering if this exhaustion is an age thing. I spend more and more hours of the day feeling tired and drained. It is not constant. I do have hours during the day when my energy level is up, my anxiety is down, and my confidence..while it may not soar is at least adequate enough for me to enjoy the motion and rush of life.  Then the color and sound drain away and I’m once more tangled in a ball of grey wooly fatigue.

I only saw the boys briefly tonight. I worked till after six thirty and then Frank needed pie tins and butter from the grocery store. Cam gave me kisses and cuddles, as did Q, but then demanded mama-milk.  I’m so done with the nursing and have been for six months or so but he isn’t. Not worth getting him so worked up that he goes into hysterics. He really only nurses for moments at a time once or twice in 24 hours so he’s very close to giving it up. We talk gently and firmly about being a big boy now (almost two!!) and how big boys drink milk only from a cup. I make a big show of cuddling him close when he drinks his zippy to show him he’ll still have my closeness. He gets it…just not ready for something so final just yet.

I’m off work tomorrow! I won a drawing for an extra day off. Really, I shouldn’t have put in for it since I am part time but it’s so difficult any more getting days off and I have a ton of things to do tomorrow before the holiday. I feel guilty. Almost.