Morning

The second cup of coffee (half-caff and almond milk creamer these days) is empty. First faint rays of light streak the sky. Dog and cats have been fed. Luckily, no live or dead rodents have been drug in through the dog door. Normally, I’d be off work today but I am filling in so a coworker can be at her child’s field trip. I should be asking for more days off to be there for my sons’ school programs. For some reason, I never feel able to ask this as I work part time. I am missing much as these boys slide off into adulthood. I remember too well how fast this happens.

I find myself reaching for my voice again. It’s been a tough few years. I have a lot of ground to cover. I’ve had much loss in my life since my final entry, death of my mother, her twin, my cousin, and a grandchild. I can’t even “see” myself well anymore. Somehow, in the past, I found words defined me better than a mirror, or a photo, or Facebook.

Another loss in my life has been the gift and escape of reading. I lack focus and intent. I find other things to do instead of reading and I distinctly feel its loss in my existence. I keep trying to go back but..I don’t know. I don’t know why and I don’t know how. My Q has been granted the gift of reading. He struggles with distraction and focus in other areas of learning but reads like a dolphin skimming through water. His 3rd grade teacher told him she’s never had a student in 17 years of teaching who loves to read as much as my son. I beamed.

I am enjoying all of You again.