Paranoid

I don’t know exactly what was going on today, but there was definitely all sorts of weird shit.  Perhaps it was starting a new pack of birth control?  I tend to get weird hormonal issues on the week that I take off.  Next time I have a consultation, perhaps I should ask if three month regimens might be right for me?  Blah.

Anyway–  my mood has been a rollercoaster today.  I’ve been both very outgoing, bouncy, and loud, and then I would get bits where I was quiet, shy, and paranoid.  Not really unhappy, which is what I might expect, but paranoid.

This girl in my Foundations class was checking out Bryan pretty shamelessly.  I got super jealous, which is really unlike me.  As if Bryan would suddenly leave me for this random girl in our math class.  She’s not even prettier than me (or, from what I can tell, smarter).  Don’t know why it was a problem.  It just was.  I made a point to hold his hand while she was looking.  I also made a point to smile at her a lot– not in a malicious way, just in a "I want to be your friend" way.  Because if she’s my friend, she won’t steal my boyfriend, right?  This sounds so junior-high-drama, and I guess I didn’t realize that at the time.  I’m actually kind of embarassed about it now.  Sheesh.

I also haven’t been reading my PChem text, which I really should.  I’ve had a whole week to read two chapters, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.  It’s so boring.  I wish I were still in PChem I.  That stuff is so much more interesting (it’s the difference between quantum chemistry, which is fantastic, and thermodynamics, which are soooooooo boring).

I also have my first physics lab tonight.  I really shouldn’t complain, because only having one lab a week is SO much better than having three a week (like last semester), but it’s the physics lab.  It’s easy, tedious, and, well boring.

Honestly, though, not all of my classes are boring, just some!  I’m enjoying BioChem a lot more than I thought I would (I actually like it, which surprises me), and Foundations of Analysis is quite fantastic.  And I have a place on my PChem I professor’s team, which is super-duper not boring!  I’ve been playing around with the software a lot (rather than reading for PChem II), and it’s really great.  I hope I don’t use this to procrastinate too much.  :S

Back to the girl in Foundations–  I really think that I’m developing a jealous streak.  I have no problem whatsoever if Bryan gets a crush on someone, but if someone has a crush on him, my bitch instinct kicks in, and I’m super tempted to just go kick her ass (so far it’s only been females).  Part of me argues that this is just a natural instinct, but I really do try hard to be a nice person, and jealousy is not on the list of emotions that I want to be feeling regularly.

I’d never even felt jealous before dating Bryan.  I didn’t get it.  Now I do.  "Mine, Bitch!"

WeirdWeirdWeird.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, I should go read PChem, I think.  But first I’ll read some of this new Raymond E. Feist book that has entered my room…  It’s still reading, so it’s a step in the right direction, right?

I’m good at rationalizing.  🙂