OhMai it has been some time

I seem to recall getting the e-mail that OD was going down and to download your journal before it was TOO LATE®, but I was really depressed at the time and didn’t manage it. And then I tried to log in at the end of 2014 to do my yearly summary and… nada. So… what all has happened in the last three-and-some years?

Logan and I fought really badly and didn’t talk to each other for two years. We’ve slowly been resuming contact, despite the warnings of everyone around me not to. I’ve come to realize that I should probably listen to those voices and let him go. It’s hard. We shared so much.

I’ve turned into an adamant meditator. I’ve been getting at least 10 minutes a day in consistently for years now, and it’s made a huuuuuge difference on my anxiety. Also mental health-related, I decided to take the plunge about 2 years ago and start on anti-depressants again. The last time I did that, I was 14. In fact, some of my very first diary entries here were about how much I hated the anti-depressants. Well, this time I have agency in the decision-making process, and I’m working with a really awesome psych who worked really hard with me to find the perfect cocktail where I feel like myself. It’s pretty awesome.

I figured out my health stuff. I take way more medications than I used to and have some weird dietary restrictions, but I’m not in pain any more. Unless I eat things I’m not supposed to. Then the pain resumes, but at least I know where it’s coming from!

Bryan and I finally came to terms with the fact that we are just not sexually compatible. We decided to not even bother any more. This also didn’t seem like enough reason to break up (I’m still madly in love with the kid!) so we opened up the relationship and took the plunge into… polyamory. This has worked out fantastically well! We had some jealousy issues at first, but lots of communication and talking about feelings fixed that right up. I’ve now had a girlfriend for two and a half years (Kate!) and she and Bryan and I all live together. Bryan also has a girlfriend, Mia, who is pretty darned awesome. Also Mia was the name of my childhood cat, which still tickles me.

I got another cat! Milo. He is floofy and soft and has the kindest heart of any creature. He’s all black, just like Ender. They are best friends. They groom each other’s faces at the same time; it’s the most adorable thing. Also I got a dog merged into my life. When Kate moved in, we also got her white boxer, Rylie. Now, no matter what, the animal hair will always show on my clothes. 😛

Oh, here’s a big update. I got my PhD. Like holy wow, Batman! It took five and a quarter years, but I did it! Take that, mental illness! Take that chronic pain! I kicked your butts and did a thing!

I’ve been on testosterone for ages now, and recently got a hysterectomy. So… no babies for me! Yay! It’s done quite a lot to ease the body dysphoria, and I’m very at-home in my body these days. Also, I legally changed my name, so people will stop using that weird old one that I never used in my life. ^^

My dad quit drinking. He can actually, like, have a conversation now? It’s an amazing change. I literally haven’t seen this side of him since I was in elementary school. Relations with my parents are… tentatively really good. My mom is finally starting to understand how my mental illness colors everything I do, and has stopped taking it personally. They’re both super supportive of my transition (and have even started using my ‘they’ pronouns! I literally cried the first time they did it because I was so touched) and of my relationships. My mom friggin’ loves Kate.

In general, I’m a lot more low-key, well-adjusted, and… adult? Like, I feel like a real grown-up. I have my shit together, yo. Aaand I have other people’s shit together too. Whatchka! *karate chop gestures*