Missing my kids

My ex has the kids over Thanksgiving.  It rips my heart out.  Thats why I stayed so long…. because I couldn’t tolerate being away from my kids.  I believe that leaving an unhealthy relationship was the right thing to do.  I know, I truly know that it was right, even for my girls.  They need to know that it is ok to leave an abusive relationship.  It is so confusing as a believer. God doesn’t make it so clear when there is emotional abuse in a marriage.  It looks so similar to normal problems.  But it’s not.  It crosses lines and it destroys people.  I grappled with waiting until the kids were grown so that it wouldn’t be like this. But I knew, I know that they need to know truth.  They need to know it’s ok to leave.  They need to see their mom healthy.

So, why am I so depressed?  Why does my heart doubt?  My therapist says this doubting part of myself emerged for a reason.  What was that reason?  There is a part of myself that knows what is right and what is true, but there is also a part that doubts everything I do, every thought, every action.  Where did that come from?