RIP Florie

So Florence, my 16 year old dog, died this morning .

It was a bit of a crazy night last night because I walked

In the door at 3 AM and mum said Florie had started a

Soft cough around midnight and had had a tranquilizer.

So I took Florie out for a wee and when I picked her up

To carry her back up the stairs, she started coughing

Again and then went completely limp in my arms and

Of course I thought, oh God, she’s just passed away!

So I called mum and I carried her to the arm chair and

Then Florie like … perked back up again. But we took

Her around the corner to the emergency vet and he said

She COULD have congestive heart failure but unless you

Have the xray/ultrasound there’s no sure way to tell. So

We took her back home, and she was really perky, she

Always is when she knows she’s going back home! And

I let her out again and her little tail was wagging. She

Walked around for a bit and then went back to sleep. So

I probably got into bed at 4:30 AM and fell asleep at 5 AM.

But mum called me down at 8:00 (Oh yeah, did I mention

I had been out til 3 AM bar hopping … so I was not drunk

But a little tipsy all the while … but with just 3 hours sleep

I was just darn tired! So I came down and she said Florie

Had collapsed and I thought she meant she had gone limp.

But her back legs had collapsed and she was breathing hard.

So again, we went back to the emergency vet (we’re lucky it’s

So close because our vet is closed on Sundays and at night).

But we knew this was the end … because essentially we

Could keep her alive … but her quality of life would suck …

Chances are it would be a few days of her coughing harder,

Breathing harder, either collapsing or going limp more often …

And probably within the week she’d pass away by herself. But

Why keep her in distress? She IS 16 after all. So we made the

Decision and we were with her til the end which came pretty

Soon because the injection probably took about 5 seconds max.

To put her to sleep. Aw, poor Florie . We’ll miss her like crazy.

Cause you know, we got her when I was 5 so she’s been there

For practically everything I can remember, right? And then we lost

Her partner 2 years ago … so there goes a chunk of my childhood!

I feel like I’m losing a lot of what was included in my childhood …

Like for the past 2 years … things/pets/people have just … gone away.

Anyways of course mum was really upset cause she was Florie’s

Primary caregiver and I’m not kidding, my mum’s entire life was

Centred around her because she needed a lot of care in her old age.

So as her primary caregiver … it’s so … weird to not have her here.

Like … all of a sudden … you have time … to have a life … you’re not

Getting up with Florie like every half hour in the night, you aren’t giving

her her food/medicine/treats (which were like clockwork 24/7). But

Our family knows Florie had like the best life a dog can have. I mean

Really, there was 0 stress in her life, she had everything she wanted.

And this episode happened within 8 hours from start to finish … so

She wasn’t at that stage when she was suffering a lot with her heart.

And since she was 16, we all knew she’d die soon, and we took it

Every day, it’s not that she was ill, but she was just old. Yeah so …

After we put Florie to sleep, I felt like crying in the vet’s office, but my

Mum was … and I didn’t want to as well … I felt like I had to be the

"Strong one" if you will. But we came home and a few hours later

I went up to bed again, since I’d only had 3 hours, and you know how

I say my dreams are really honest, in my dream there was Florie!

I guess it was weird because she had been personified in her last

Moments … and so in the dream I was there with her (but mum wasn’t).

And I reached down and she sort of disappeared into thin air when

I bent down to kiss her head … which I suppose was some sort of

"Symbolic death" but then she reappeared and I could pat her physically.

But like I said with the personification, she like spoke to me to tell

Me she was … I can’t remember exactly … but essentially at peace.

And I was happy but crying in my dream … and lo and behold … I wake

Up and there’s tears on my pillow and down my face. So that was my

"Grieving moment" if you will. If I don’t do it while I’m awake, I can be sure

To when I’m sleeping. But yeah … it felt good when I wiped away my

Tears and got up for the rest of the day. And of course … we have Tess.

She’s only 3 so she has a full life in front of her as well .  But I

Don’t think mum will get another partner for her because my mum is

Old too and so if I’m not there it’ll be hard for her to care for them if, say,

One of them gets sick or is just old and isn’t mobile by herself. Sooo,

Tess is our only pet for now. But whereas Florie wasn’t affectionate,

Lol she was a funny dog, Tess is uber affectionate. It’s like she pretends

To be a lap dog (except she’s too big to qualify for that title … but she

Doesn’t care … she’s always climbing into our laps). So you know, there’s

Still life around the house. I couldn’t imagine not having dogs. Like the

House would feel empty. It would be so quiet here. Ugh, I can’t imagine!

So I wanted Florie to have her own entry … because I’ll do another entry

For the GOOD part of last night, after. Well I am happy Florie is at peace.

Oh you know what ticks me off … so with the emergency vey they play on

Owners’ feelings … so we wanted her ashes … but it would be 500 $ …

Plus the examination plus the anesthetic fee … so we’re talking like 1000 $

+ Tax … right during like a traumatic event, right? So we couldn’t afford to

Get her ashes … so that really upset my mum … it just sucks … because if

Our normal vet was open on Sundays, we would have waited an hour, gone

There and it’s half the price for your pet’s ashes … ergo, it’s actually affordable

For people. So my mum felt all guilty that she couldn’t save her ashes and

Put them beside Florie’s partner’s on the mantelpiece … but you know, in that

Situation, when there’s no other vets available … what can you do? We couldn’t

Afford to wait another day for Florie to suffer just so we could get her ashes.

So … I think they do a paw print … which is … something at least …. it better

Be nice and not like white plaster! For 400 $ it should be something decent.

I mean she IS getting cremated but we just can’t have her

ashes …

Anyways, so RIP Florie!!! But at least I know she’s alright now <3 x infinity!!!

* Sigh * I miss her!