A little confused.

Hmm, so I had my GYNO appointment the other day.

I didn’t realize what the doctor had ordered for my exams.

So it was the pelvic ultrasound and transvaginal ultrasound.

Uhm, I sort of assumed the second one didn’t apply to me?

But then the night before, I reread the form, and was like … what?

AND it so happened to be the ONE night that the internet was down

All over the province … so I was like … I can’t look it up online!

So first thing in the morning I’m at the hospital and the

Ultrasound technician is ready to do the transvaginal ultrasound

First … so I start removing from waist down … and then she finds

Out I’m a virgin and is like … happy then shocked … I know, weird.

Happy … maybe because she was East Indian … she wasn’t young,

She wasn’t born here, so maybe culturally, our virginity is valued. So

That’s where her happy reaction came from (it’s cute, I’ve had other

Medical people be really happy that I’m a virgin too). But then it’s like

She processed it again and was then shocked I was a virgin. And

Was all of a sudden in a flurry, saying that she couldn’t do the

Transvaginal ultrasound (even though my gyno ordered it and knew

I was a virgin) and she was like ‘We don’t do that on virgins! What

Was your gyno thinking?’ and I’m like … haha undressed and like …

I still wasn’t sure WHAT the procedure was and I was like well …

I don’t care if I have to put the wand up in me though it might hurt.

Anyways so she sorta like ran out of the room and I was like … uhm,

Okay, guess I’m not having it done? And I didn’t think much of it. My

Appointment was already late and I had to run to get to my class.

So I was like … k one less thing I have to do here so I can leave.

So tonight I was curious thinking about the reason why she wouldn’t

Do it on virgins and wondering if it had to do with her culture (which

Would kind of unsettle me because she’s a technician, not a doctor,

And she should’ve done what the doctor (well, specialist) ordered, or

At least asked me if I wanted to go through with the procedure … and

I thought if it did have to do with a cultural reason, that’s not reasoning

I wanted pushed on me, I’d still be virginal if I had it done … and so I

Googled and majority of people are saying that technicians shouldn’t

Refuse to do what the doctor ordered on account of us being virgins.

And oddly enough, I even read reviews, asking what I was asking, and

Noting too that their technicians were East Indian … one technician

Went so far as to explicitly say that one girl’s hymen must remain intact.

And so … thinking on it. I really should’ve demanded it. She shouldn’t have

Refused me. I mean I get the whole ‘physical/emotional pain’ for virgins

(Which she didn’t explain but some technicians online reasoned this way)

But we’re not like fragile … just cause we haven’t had sex … doesn’t mean

We haven’t done anything else. I mean … the least she couldve done is

To ask whether I was comfortable and obviously I would’ve said yes.

I was just in a rush and thinking about school (it’s my first week back in uni).

So yeah … thinking back upon it, I am not satisfied with her, and if I’m slated

For that test (or in a similar situation), then I’m going to demand it in future.

So I had the pelvic ultrasound done … and apparently my ovaries are beautiful.

Haha, my gyno is sweet, I was like ‘oh, that’s nice’. How do you respond? XD

Well as long as I’m healthy, I’m happy.

Also I realized I was inarticulate and typed ‘like’ a lot – I’m usually not like that so time for bed now! 🙂

Oh, wait, I was on the uni’s health services page, and I saw they do psychotherapy.

And (one of my profs also does psychotherapy) and I was thinking I wanted to do it.

I mean it might be nice to have someone to speak with and not just hash things out here.

And some of the things I would discuss aren’t distressing to me but I’m just curious.

So I’m wondering how distressed I have to be to make an appointment in the first place.

One of my friend’s has had a therapist and she actually enjoyed her sessions.

But then I worry for the important issues, many are related to my conflicts in identity.

And I worry that if I have to go and see some white therapist, they won’t get me, or will judge me.

I suppose I could inquire as to whether there is a female woman of colour available to speak with?

My term’s busy though, I probably won’t do it.