Makes me sooo MAD!

I’m sorry for the negativity which will follow. I just feel like venting out since this heavy chunk of displeasure has been with me for quite a while now.

There’s this certain someone who really exasperates me. The way SHE comments on most of the things I do really drives me to the edge that at times I just want to snap back at her with my boiling blood. She doesn’t seem to do it on purpose and what’s worse is that she’s my friend. When we became friends, I didn’t feel this way towards her. But now I just don’t want to be with her. When she comments on something I do, I feel like being insulted; Like she’s mocking at me and she’s getting pleasure from doing so.

This may not be her intention at all but boy, does it feel like it. The way she is might be her coping mechanism against her insecurities. And frankly, that’s not my problem. Why would I allow myself to continue feeling insulted whenever she opens her mouth? She’s not like someone that I have to bear being with no matter what, especially when I feel victimized by her. It’s not my fault that she’s so ignorant when it comes to certain things, things that I do and have that are obscure to what she has and how she lives. Just because she’s unfamiliar to these things, her limitations is not an excuse to say words that make me feel mocked and insulted. I don’t brag to her; I’m just being me. I want to be nice to everyone as much as possible but I can’t help it to not hate her guts.

I may have to be patient and understanding to her because she doesn’t even know how her words affect me, but I just can’t. Everytime she does what I think she does to me and how bad I end up feeling, I don’t want to waste my time understanding her. And neither do I want to have to face her and tell her honestly about her repugnant character that I can barely stomach because it’s just hard for me to do so and I’m not the one who’s good in doing things like that.

I remember way back when she had something about her that also kind of annoyed us and she didn’t know it. I wanted to tell her myself but couldn’t find the courage to do so. Someone else ended up telling her about it. I don’t know how she took it since we never talked about it. It’s something personal and embarrassing that anyone I think, even those with the thickest skin, will feel uncomfortable talking about it.

So for now, all I can do is avoid her as much as I can and when I can’t, I’ll just have to vent on this blog.