I hate this.

I haven’t been writing much lately. I’m going through a lot of stress and I can’t seem to get myself and my thoughts together to write about what I really want to write, which is about things that have happened lately, what I’ve been doing and such. I’ve written a couple of unfinished private journals here and there these past days. But they’re not finished at all and I can’t seem to make them. My thoughts are a mess. I’ve been quite an emotional wreck lately. Yesterday I wrote a movie review and I don’t really know where it came from. All I know is that I was feeling down and depressed and out of nowhere I was typing up that review on "300." It was something I had to do to keep myself from breaking down, kind of like a diversion. I guess I have to focus on other things other than my current thoughts and feelings as a way to help me cope from all these stress and morbid thoughts. I know I may sound dramatic and seriously, who wants to read about this? Well I’m just letting out my hard feelings, that’s all.

This is so not me at all. I’m usually a happy person. I’m the one with the sunny disposition but lately I’ve never been like that at all. It’s so hard to be all sunshine and daises when I’m going crazy. I mean, how can I not go crazy when mostly I’m just stuck in this apartment, most of the time alone and doing nothing? I feel like I’m wasting my life. Most of the time I think that I’d rather die than be like this. I can’t wait to go home to the Philippines. If only I can fast forward the days, I really would. The 22 days leading to it seem like a decade to me.

Ugh, this has to stop. Even writing about this is not doing me any good.