About board exams, studying, work, determination,

I can’t believe it’s already been a year. Where did the time go? I know people always say things like these but really, time flies so fast.. even for someone like me who practically does nothing. When you’re not working and just staying at home and got to do whatever you feel like it, time seems to go slowly. But when you realize one day that "dude, it’s been a year already?!", then you feel that time is so fast. Like, where did it go? Is time a thief?

Exactly a year ago, was the 2nd day of our 2-day Medical Technology Board Exam. I was then in Manila with my college classmates. It was the most gruelling experience that I went through that I swore to myself that I’m never taking another board exam ever, which practically means I have to pass this thing. It’s now or never. It was almost a matter of life and death for me. I took it too seriously that I was thinking how my life will go on if I fail. I just couldn’t bear thinking of it. It was a year ago but I still remember how it felt.

There have only been twice the time that I’ve felt so driven in my life, when nothing or no one on this earth could stop me except God Himself. This was one of the two. It was disadvantagious in some ways because it made me so stressful that I couldn’t get enough sleep. Everytime I would think about the boards then, I would get palpitations. I even lost a lot of weight due to the stress – emotional, mental, physical, even spiritual. But it also did me good. I’ve never worked so hard to achieve something before. The way I would study amazed me. For our 3 months review, I was studying as if studying itself is like breathing. Thank Heavens, I didn’t go crazy! Really, I never knew I could do it as I’ve always been lazy in studying during most of my student life. I also became closer to God. The way I pray really changed. And I got to see how God never fails us, even moreso when we do our part. Determination coupled with fear of board exam failure can do wonders. It certainly worked for me.

I sometimes laugh at myself now when I recall how driven and stressed I was about the boards. I mean, it was just the Med. Tech board exam. Not that I’m underestimating it; In fact it’s one of the hardest exams amongst medical courses. But what about other board exams, like Medicine, or even the Bar? These are just some of the famously arduous exams and what’s more is that one has to wait longer for the results, especially the Bar exam results which takes more than half a year! I was already sleepless during the 2 days after I took the board and was waiting for the release of results. How much more for other exams which take a lot longer? Maybe I’d already be dead. I definitely look up to those who have taken exams such as those, mostly because I couldn’t find it in me to go further than what I have accomplished. I was burnt out after the boards, even after learning that I passed (which is, by the way, on the top of my happiest moments ever list. God is indeed good!). I was already doubtful upon proceeding to Medicine even before I took the boards, and I finally decided that I should let go of my lifelong dream of becoming a doctor during the Med. Tech boards. Now, this is another story and I better change the flow of what I’m babbling before my thoughts turn to disarray…

It’s now a year since I became a professional, but still I haven’t applied the purpose of my being one. The PRC license card is just a display on my wallet, nothing more. 12 months and 2 other successful (Thank you God!) exams after, I’m still taking more American exams for Med. Tech. So here I am, after 52 weeks and half of it being in a different country, I’m still studying for the same things. Frankly, I’m really sick and tired of all these exams. Who wouldn’t be? I mean, after you passed a board exam you’d think that "yehey, I’m through with studying..I’m free!" but in my case, as in a Medical Technologist aiming for a work in the USA, it’s certainly ain’t over. But I know better not to complain because at least, I’m in a straight direction. I’m taking it all the way and I’m blessed enough to do these with financial support from my parents while I’m just staying at home and being a couch potato. It all takes 3 exams for me. Already 2 down and 1 more to go. Exactly 17 days from now, I’ll be taking the last but certainly not the least American exam I need inorder for me to finally say goodbye to studying and say hello to work and FREEDOM.

It’s quite ironic because it’s the last exam yet it’s the most important one, when you’re thinking of being a Clinical Laboratory Scientist in California. It’s quite hard for me because I’m already tired of taking exams and not to mention, studying. I’ve been slacking because I don’t want to read my study notes all over again, for the 3rd time! I feel like my mind is becoming a broken record, even though after I take exams, most of what I learned just flies away from my brain. It would be really a painful blow for me if I fail on this one. It’s like you’ve worked so hard in getting to the finish line and when you’re finally close, you’re already too tired to feel the excitement and to revive the determination you had when you were still in the beginning. I don’t know… I’m scared yet I feel so ..blank.. at the same time.

For the nth time in my life, I shall say "So help me, God."