Time, time, time. See what’s become of me

Time, time, time
See what’s become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please
Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

Hang on to your hopes my friend
That’s an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again          ~Simon and Garfunkel

I sometimes wonder where I get my views of Christmas from.  Not being Christian, it was never really celebrated at my house.  I never got to believe in Santa Clause.  I never really got presents.  But when I was a bit older and my brother was still a little kid, we would celebrate.  We would put up a tree and a few years I think we actually did do presents.  But my mom doesn’t like surprises so the gifts were never a surprise.  Hell she even ruined by 15th birthday by telling me that my friends were throwing a surprise party for me.  But that’s another topic all together.  So what I’m trying to say is that Christmas was never much of a big deal in  my family.  It was fun when we had people over and we celebrated yet somehow I have convinced myself that Christmas used to something great and I miss it.  Can you miss a time and a memory that never existed?  I do.  I think I miss the overall season. I was in Chorus so we had Christmas Concerts and my friends and I always exchanged gifts so things were good.  But these days, it’s just another day.  I envy those people who have the TV show version of Christmas with family all around and lots of presents and lots of good food.  I keep telling myself that if I ever have a family of my own, we’re gonna celebrate like I picture in my mind.

It’s crazy to believe that another year has passed by so quickly.  I don’t know what has changed in this year.  I have a job I like.  That’s a plus.  My best friend lives closer to me.  I like that too.  I moved to a new apartment in an area I really like.  I turned 30.  I don’t know.  Not very exciting, but not bad at all.  I usually don’t like odd numbered years so who knows what 2007 will bring.

I had a lot I wanted to write.  But then I got a phone call and my mood has changed.  *SIGH*  That seems to be a standard this year.  I never feel like writing. I never want to take the time to put into words what I’m thinking and feeling.