Sometimes…

October
And the trees are stripped bare
Of all they wear
What do I care
October
And kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall
But You go on
And on 
       ~U2

I’ve gotten used to being single.  I’m kinda leaving it all up to fate and figure that if there is a right guy out there for me, I’ll meet him someday.  I’d rather be alone then be with the wrong guy and majority of the guys I know or have met, are definitely the wrong guys…not the types I would want to spend the rest of my life with.  Some times I think I just say that to make myself feel better.  But then I see the guys my friends are married to or are dating and I really wonder if I would settle for someone like them.  I don’t want to.  Ang and I talk about it a lot and some times I get sick of it.  I mean really, isn’t there something else to talk about?  My life’s not that bad.  I have friends and people I love in my life.  I see the guys that I know and when they talk to their wives on the phone, they always end with an "I love you" and they don’t even sound like they mean it.  It’s the same way, I always end phone conversations with clients by saying, "give me a call if you need anything else".  It’s second nature and I do it without thinking.  The same way we all say Thank You all the time.  Do we really  mean it?  That’s what the I love yous sound like to me.  Something to say and soemthing they say out of habit.  Sure, they may mean it, but at that moment, they are saying to just say it.

But then SOMETIMES….I don’t know.  Like today.  Dino got a call from his wife and his voice got all soft and sweet and you could totally tell how much he loved her.  And when he ended the call with an "I love you", there was a softness and genuiness to his voice.  It almost made me cry sitting here at the dest next to him.  So SOMETIMES, I wish I had a guy who would say that to me in the same way and mean it.