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Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

What’s the old saying?  Home is where the heart is?  Maybe there is some truth to that.  I guess I don’t know where my heart is.

I moved to my new apartment this weekend.  It’s a brand new start and with that I decided to start again with my diary after being gone and not really writing anything important for a while.  I feel weird in my new place.  I miss my old one.  That was home.  It was familiar.  Even when I was alone there, I didn’t feel alone.  It was my place.  It felt a part of me even though it was a rented apartment just like this one is.  Here?  I feel like I"m a guest at someone’s house that’s not my own.  It’s all here… my stuff.  I even have an extra room to turn into a computer room/study.  My bedroom in much bigger.  But my kitchen sucks and my bathroom is just blah looking and it has no garden tub and I feel cramped when I’m taking a shower.  Maybe I felt this way about my apartment when I first moved there too.  I don’t remember and I tried to find old entries from around that time, but I think I was just so excited to be on my own that nothing else mattered.  I know it’s small things that I’m not happy with, and that this isn’t permanent but still….it doens’t feel like home yet.  Maybe after I get everything up and unpacked it will be better.

The area around here is older and not as nice as the area I was in.  Otherwise, everything is always the same as it is in all American cities.  All the same stores and shops and restaurants.  I even have a library that’s close by.  I also found a Thai restaurant on the Internet today!  Yay for that.

Moving was a bitch.  Though the movers had moved everything big and heavy, my dad and I did the rest and I can’t believe all the junk I have accumulated over the past 4 years.  My whole body hurts today.  I’m all achey.  I went back to my old apartment today to finish up some cleaning.  The whole time I felt weird.  It was really my first home on my own.  I remember all the fun I had there.  I miss those days and I’ll miss the place.  Hopefully my new place will be ok.  I have neighbors above me who have two little kinds so there’s a lot of noise.  My balcony isn’t as big as the one in my last place.  I rememberd nights where KM, James, Cas and KM’s sisters all sat out there for hours.  I rememberd spending evenings with Cas and KM in my living room watching stupid teen dramas and doing each other’s makeup. 

I feel better after writing some of that.  I had some good times at that place.  I’ll miss it.  But hopefully I’ll make new memories here too.