synthetic reactions.

it’s been more of an interesting life than i want to admit.

i feel old, look young, and act around my age.

yet i’ve got this strange sense that, if i had actually went along the normal path and finished college, got a prestigious job, all that razzmatazz, i’d probably be dead, believe it or not.

yeah, i guess that’s what happens when you self-analyze for a few hours on a car ride home. but seriously, i can’t do the corporate bullshit. at all. it makes me realize that i’m just a drone in a hive full of nameless bees, my significance faint and dull and meandering all at once, so long as i produce something of substance over the course of my 30 or so years as a worker.

that’s why i’m instead just completely out there, living life to simply derive as much joy as humanly possible out of it. i am wringing my fabric dry to get every last bit of fun and joy and arousal and blah blah blah out so that, when i’m on my death bed 3-70 years from now, i can at least tell me brethren that "hey, life was pretty awesome" instead of listing of regret after regret.

i mean, isn’t that what life’s all about?