like a mole popping up into fallout.

phew.

what a year.

i usually do the whole "exodus from the planet" thing in January/February, but i started it about a month early this year, unintentionally. i’ve essentially been off the grid since the beginning of December in all forms of life. i’ve just been working and writing, basically. i actually picked up three new days of dealing, so i’ll be working something like 50-60 hours a week dealing six days a week, and hopefully picking up either a job at Scott’s or somewhere waiting tables during the day, putting me around 70-90 hours a week of work for the next three months. it’s one of those pleasant distractions that lets me just focus on myself and making some scratch to continue the whole drive to be completely debt free sooner than later. if i have too much time to just think and meditate, i tend to meditate myself into a ditch, so to speak. so, yeah, if i’ve more or less been mute to you in the last month, apologies, sincerely. 

it’s been a rough year. i lost something this year that i can’t liberally talk about, but, suffice to say it’s certainly muddled my mind quite a bit. it’s made me reevaluate a lot of things within my life that has resulted in a lot of toned down excesses in my life, i guess. i never really was much about the whole going out thing, but it’s been reduced even more now. i’ve become a bit of a homebody in the late stages of the year, which is probably wise; i’m not looking to get bombed again any time soon. i’ve instead begun to invest much more time into the "escape plan" i’ve had for something like 5 years now, which is annoying, but there’s always a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. the old standby moving locations of louisville and tunica, ms, remain, but now a new one has entered the equation; chicago. it’d be me and a friend or two, and coming home sounds so damn invigorating to me. i mean, yesterday, it snowed. i was dealing, and i saw the snow falling. i’m 27 years old, mind you. i actually asked my boss for a break, walked outside, laid down, and let it snow on me for five minutes, catching snowflakes on my tongue and just generally feeling…normal. i was also wearing a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and no socks, so maybe this is far from normal, but anything that reminds me of home just pacifies me. chicago pizza, snow, rampant vulgarity, yadda yadda. i will always be a child of the north. and i fucking miss it. so maybe i end up in the ville, slinging cards at the shoe southern indiana and busting tail on my second book, but, honestly…i wanna buy my old house from hammond back from those assholes that mucked it up and just live there again.

i look at 2013 not as a year of rebirth or reinvigoration or any of the re-re-re shit. i am who i am at this point, more or less. it’s more of the location and direction that i point my energy than anything else. i’m talented as shit. sorry if that sounds arrogant, but i am. i just need to stop wasting it on people and activities that garner me nothing in return and instead continue to stay on this path of success that i found last year and i’ve more or less stayed on all year.

if you’re my friend on open diary, well, you’ll hear from me a lot more than you will on facebook or any other form of comms, because when i do these exoduses, i tend to post on there and not get on fb for weeks at a time. so, drop me a text or read some of my stuff on OD if you wanna keep in touch. i’m too scatter-brained to casually text someone out of the blue (partly because i’m a pussy) but you can easily figure out what i’m doing on od…if i feel like updating.

to everyone that’s stuck it out with me through the year; you’re heroes among men. especially you, mac stanley, you son of a bitch.

to everyone i’ve met this year; sorry. yeah, that sounds weird, but i’ve ran my head through most of the people i met, and i’ve probably come across as a jackass to most of them. i promise; i’m a much better guy than what you’ve seen. you caught me when my whole life was being flip-flopped, probably. because that happened a few times this year.

and to literally everyone; it’s a new year. go change the fucking world. because doing nothing for a year but slinking further into monotony isn’t getting you any closer to being happy, for most people. i know i couldn’t just work a 9-5 for a year, take a one week vacation to florida, and think at the end of the year, "man, life is solid" but that may be because i’m an idiot with aspirations to take over the world, nuke the planet, grab my fallout 3 survival kit and go snipe some mutants.

go write a book, climb a mountain, throw a shoe at a princess, ask out a 10/10 even though you’re a 2/10, whatever, i don’t care, just break the mold and fly, son, fly. 

i’m certainly planning on doing it again this year. happy new year and stuff.