As Long As I’m Singin’

As long as I’m singin’
There’s a bell up in my brain that’s ringin’
Makin’ a crazy ding dong

And if this band don’t desert me
Then there’s nothin’ in the world can hurt me
Long as I’m singin’ my song

I didn’t do anything today. I had plans to be productive, but last night I couldn’t fall asleep. This morning I couldn’t wake up. I wish my being could have made up its mind today. While I lied on my bed I had the urge to be productive. When I got up to take some action I had no clue where to begin or what to do. I felt like a picture of a ball in the air. Was I going up? Was I coming down? This feeling of "in-limbo" business… not okay.

I didn’t talk to a single soul today until my sister came home from Vegas, which was only a few hours ago. I spent my morning distracting myself with Pushmo and Mario Kart 7. When I felt hungry I tried to eat but instantly felt sick. All day I had the feeling of puking. I watched some wedding shows on Netflix which distracted my bi-polar stomach from throwing up lunch. It was a struggle just keeping water down. And when I tried to eat a cookie… ugh. Let’s say that I was very close to hugging the toilet after that (Actually, I was sitting right next to it, waiting to taste that cookie a second time).

After spending some quality time bathing myself and talking to my sister about her adventures in Vegas, she pulled out leftovers from The Cheesecake Factory which she heated up in the microwave. It looked delicious! Artichoke heart pasta with seasonings and red peppers, among other things. The smell was something else. In real life, I know I would have enjoyed it. But being in the same room as that pasta activated my gag reflex like a giant dick would.

I don’t have the flu. I don’t feel sick right now. I have a feeling that my body’s just in shock from what happened last night. I’ve never not known what to do with my day, even if I usually just fly by the seat of my pants. Maybe it’s because I didn’t wear pants today. Basketball shorts are incredibly comfortable, especially when they keep falling down. The waist strings are tied in an irreversible knot tied to fit a me that existed thirty pounds ago.

The tweeted three times today. Once it was actually him and the other two times he retweeted. I didn’t read them. I feel like reading anything he has to say would make me start analyzing things, so I’m saving myself the trouble.

Kenneth posted on his Facebook today. At his job he apparently got a compliment on his looks by an elderly lady. A bunch of girls proceeded to comment on how this lady has good taste and how she’s not incorrect. I don’t see it. I hope she was secretly making fun of his hair. It sounds like something I would do. 😛

This Kevin guy, the guy that LoGan was supposed to hang out with today, I found out some more about him. He apparently is interested in women, is in a relationship currently, and is an easily-overwhelmed wimp, according to one of his managers. That’s lovely considering that last night I found out he’s a partier. He’s still a child; he has an immature mentality.

Wait… that’s me assuming all these things about someone I’ve never met before. Maybe I’ll just take things at face value and not think about anything. I’ll just stop all my brain processes and live life like a hospitalized heroin overdosee: a vegetable.

Fuck. I only found these things about Kevin because I want to retaliate. Am I foolish to stop myself from seeking any sort of revenge because I know what would be most effective? Am I too thick-headed to realize anything that happened last night? Maybe. Maybe it’s me not wanting to add meaning to what he said.

…

Fuck it. Whatever happens, happens. I can’t change any of it because I’m going to live my life as a vegetable. Who can blame things on vegetative humans? They can’t do anything wrong.