Sweet Smell of Irony…

     Tonight something happened.  The powers that be, whatever they(it is) are played a strange little game on me.

     About a week ago I sent out an e-mail to the ex (not ex at the time) to say that friendship was about the only thing that I was capable of over such a distance with us.  All week all I got was silence from them until today…when my cell phone rang, and the number read country code 353.  My heart hurt within my chest at the thought of talking to him, but I answered.

     He called back on the apartment phone after checking where I was, and we talked.  Of all the things for that strange creature of fate to do to me…the e-mail somehow never made it to him.  He had no idea of the anxiety I’d felt.  And that meant he thought I’d been ignoring him for like 2 weeks.

     As usual our fears and thoughts were along the same track-funny how we seem to do that.  I told him what the e-mail said…he told me it made sense because he felt the same way.  We both felt like the relationship was deteriorating…and were scared of losing a friendship that was really important to us both.  So that’s where we stand.  Friends.  And in good standing too.  I mean…talking to him today was so much fun…I haven’t enjoyed talking to him like that since probably January, right before our communication started getting cut down.

     I’m going to call him soon.  And his birthday is coming up on the 14th…so I’ll probably try to send him something.  It’s hard to explain why this makes me so happy.  I don’t know why but it feels like the hugest weight has been lifted from my shoulders…and my lungs can fully expand to take in the world again.

     I missed him these past two months.  Missed him more than I realized until today.  When he said, "I wish you’d never left" in my own way I felt the same.  Maybe we’d be more confused than we are now about what this thing between us is…but at least we’d get to hang out, have fun…goof off and walk for miles together.  I miss talking til 5 a.m. about everything on our minds.  I haven’t had a guy friend like that in a while.  I miss it…I miss him. 

     Next year I’ll visit him when I go to Ireland during the whole Eruo-trip being planned for post graduation.  I wish he could come visit…but I know he’s hard up for money.  Still…just hearing his voice…and putting it all out there…

      honesty…all I want is to be a person who tells the truth, rather than keeping it bottled up. 

     Today I let it go…and as I usually find…it set a piece of me free.