Storms are coming, why don’t we play?

     This weekend went by almost without me, and I was left choking on the dust of a good time gone by without being completely aware of what happened.  But now that the dust is settled, I can see the picture clearly.  I haven’t felt this way since I was a freshman engaging the world in my biggest, newest adventure.  I’m on the verge of tearlessness, and the feeling is making me lightheaded and giddy.

     Friday:  A day without much to do, and perfectly lovely in that simple fact.  Work ended, the drive began, and for three hours I encouraged myself to feel good through a series of high schooler punk rock,  horrible pop music and Jimmy Buffet’s "Piece of Work".  Driving for three hours should make me feel even more alone, especially when the road clears and there is nothing but me, the highway, and an overgrown/broken down gas station for the next fifteen miles.  But the turning of the earth below me flowed in my heart the way the road flowed beneath my tires….a moment of epic zen-like proportions.  Beautiful.
     And to be reunited with friends, to see them again even for the briefest strech reminded me that they do exist, and that I love them for that simple fact, regardless of their quirks and inhibitions-or lack thereof-and if I can love them, then I can love myself.  I deserve it just as much as they do.  Unconditional.

     Saturday:  Concousness acheived at a startling 9:30 a.m. according to the clock which was halfway across the room and hard to read the hazy sleep, the best night’s sleep I’ve had in two or three weeks.  Unfortunately it was nautres urging and not my own anticipation that rose me from those sheets.  The room was blissfully cool for a  short few morning hours with the assistance of the added fan, which YES she could keep.  What need have I got for it?  My room has air conditioning.
     The pool.  There was a time when the thought of myself in a bathing suit was repulsive to me.  Of course I still feel that nagging self loathing, but the more it covers the more relazed I can be.  Best of all we played.  Not the uninterrupted sun bathing of our age, or the slow wading of our elders, but the flips and handstands, tossing each other, and laughing until my face ached and I thought I would cough my soul out into the chlorine and other hair damaging chemicals.  Even that would be another form of bliss.
     Of course dinner followed, at the Bistro where we promised ourself to avoid wining…but the Melody just had to tell me about the new Reisling and I was $5.95 in debt and sipping the sweetest of life’s little uninhibitors.  After a free glass and dessert, and many assurances that food would not be necessary for the rest of the week, we skipped right back to the campus to finish feuling up on two bottles and Soul plane.  Then He came over and during Dodge ball the both of us slipped peacefully from conciousness.  Woops.  Perhaps not as entertaining as we would have thought.  Still that day had acheived one goal I didn’t know I’d been searching for.
     Simplicity.

     Sunday:  To watch people move through the mall at eleven in the morning when nothing is going on is generally as amusing as it seems.  There seem to be somewhere between four and six pairs of people who would be content to do nothing but ride the escalaters up and down a few times, ourselves included, and people commiting crimes against our sensibilities with their fashion choices-but at least they are happy.  Still I wonder when matching your bright orange shoes to your bright orange hat became the utmost in fashion Hells Yes’s!  I enjoyed it until our amusement was cut short by the interferrence of a man who should not be allowed to leave his house without removing all his credit cards and a drug screening. 
     No, bumping into someone three times is not a coincidence…especially when they have left the mall and returned.  That is our cue to leave.  ANd so after reporting it, we vanished.  No sense in prolonging our discomfort, or letting him know what kind of car I drive.  A lesson remembered: Do not talk to strangers.  This is a hard lesson to consider…because we want to feel free to chat with just about anybody we choose.  Certainly the world is full of more fascinating people than we could ever meet, and how can we meet any of them without speaking to a few strangers.  The world we move withing should not be so dangers as to restrict us even so much.

     Monday: After sleeplessness made the morning drag it’s heels, and a cancelled lunch date with the father made the lunch hour dull, and a Subway sandwhich made everything right with the world again, Dad went off to play golf, and I went off with Mom to take Gaga and Linda home.  The ride up was pleasant, and we stopped for dinner at 5guys -HUGE being the smallest size burgers they have, we each ordered one and ONE thing of fries(apparently medium is no smaller than 5lbs. despite the cup size on display.)  But Gaga and I could talk about places we would go when I come to visit her next, and Linda and I played, and on the way home Mom and I spoke…well she spoke and I leaked away bits of myself the way I do when it is just you me and silence for hours.  We also sang Jimmy Buffet for half the ride which makes for an interesting experience, as well as "The Littlest Worm" which perhaps no one will understand but us, and any child she has ever taught. 

     What a long and unusual ramble.  Take care, and hope that this strange bliss I seem to have stumbled into will linger a while and taint my soul in some sort of permenant way.  I am ready for the happiness to descend and keep me a while.